The good and bad in life

Before I get into the stuff that's been getting me down, I want to write about things that are going so great in my life right now.

1) I am doing fairly well in school. I have an A in almost all of my courses, a few are teetering on the A- range, but let's not focus on that.
2) I am so involved with so many different things at school, may be too many things, but it's fun
3) I have some amazing nerdy friends. This always makes life more amusing. Plus they understand my nerdy jokes!
4) I have an amazing big who is really sweet and I adore her.
5) I am in pharmacy school. I worked so, so hard to make it here making up for undergrad.
6) I am pretty out and open here and everyone has reacted very well so far.

Ok, so now onto the stuff that gets me down.

1) Physiology. Ugh, the bane of my existence. Some of it is so poorly worded that I just don't understand what they are trying to tell me!!! Help a sister out, please write in clear, grammatically correct English! Granted I'm not great at it, but if you're writing lecture notes please don't word it in a way that makes things look like word vomit.

2) I've just been feeling down lately. I'm not even sure why. It's very annoying. I hate feeling sad for no reason and not being able to shake it.

You know what? I really am not sure why I feel so damn down. Things are going so great for me right now. I mean yeah, I could be doing a lot better. My study habits could be way better, but I am still doing quite well.

My life right now is nothing to be ashamed of. Well not yet at least.

So why with all the great things going for me, do I feel sad? Blah! Hate!!! Maybe I am just so stressed that I am just in a constant state of nausea. Who can be happy when they want to vomit due to stress? haha.

Oh life.

I have no idea what has been wrong with me lately, but I've felt like a narcoleptic. Now if Rx school does one thing for you, it will probably make you a hypochondriac. I had a classmate run up to me frantically asking me to exam their foot. "DO I HAVE DIABETES?? IS THAT AN ULCER??"

Honestly, we spent a good long while looking at pictures of ulcers, and tiny scab on the bottom of your foot does NOT equal ulcer.

Every day I seem to bounce back and forth from being happy that I'm here, that I made the right choice; and some days I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. We can't always be happy. I have met some amazing people and I really do love it. I guess sometimes we all have those days that make us wonder why we do this to ourselves.

I don't even know why I am so exhausted. I think my body is preparing me for next week's hell. Every time I get home I pass out for an hour. I am not one to take naps because I am such a bad insomnia, but the wave of exhaustion just comes over me and I can't keep myself awake. Oh noes! I'm depressed! Yeah, no. I think I've just been too deprived of sleep.

I just feel like I am involved in too many organizations. Maybe I finally bit off more than I can chew. I'm not as young as I used to be and can't keep up with these youngins. Being pulled in 5 different directions does wear you down. But that's a worry for another day. For now it's back to bed for me!

Oh Rx school...

I am not going to lie. I love it here. I love being surrounded by nerds that understand my nerdy jokes and laugh at them too! It's much better than being stared at for a while... before they shake their head and pat me on the head.

What do I hate? I hate physiology. Not the material, just the way it's presented and tested on. The exam was very... tricky. And at 730am, at least for me, I am not capable of thinking like that. Well I am, and I'm not. If he changes a word slightly... it changes the whole answer. The best part is when he asks a question, gives two right answer choices, but one is more correct than the other. BLARGH. It's not that I'm not doing well, as long as I keep things the way they are going and improve physio (or maintain) I am doing rather well. I am just frustrated haha.

What I do love? I love biochemistry. Oh my jebus, my nerd love for biochemistry came back full force when we started metabolism a while back. Yes there is a ton of material to learn, but that was my favorite subject in undergrad. It makes me giddy... It's kind of sad. hahaha.

There are pointless courses, courses that make you wonder how some people got into school (like people that can't do simple algebra and stoichiometry), and just being surrounded by people that think like you and love nerdy things like you do. Well ok, me. haha.

I am enjoying my time, but it's a bit stressful some weeks, but that's what alcohol is for right? Usually (not always) a relaxant and helps stimulate sleep. I could use some of that right now.

I need to post more... but less at 2am after spending 10 hours studying physio and biochem. This weekend sucked so much. I can't wait to party in the City Friday with my homo life partner. He is freaking amazing, and my school putting two homos next to each other randomly in orientation?Amazing. School would suck without him. He makes my life so much gayer.

Puppy love

Ohh a post! See, it wasn't really farewell! I can never make up my mind!

The day has come for me to pack up and move! I'm terrified and excited all a the same time. I'm excited for school, new adventures, and starting in a new place, but I am having some serious separation anxiety.

I have a 3 year old dog and I have become insanely attached to him. If I am away from home for longer than 3 days I get homesick for him! It was a really really hard decision to leave him behind (with my parentals!! not giving him up! I could never do that!). I just know it wouldn't be fair to him to be couped up in a tiny apartment all by himself most of the day when he has a whole house and yard here. We haven't been apart for more than a week at one time since I got him 3 years ago!

I know it sounds like I'm some kind of crazy dog lady, but I just adore my puppy. He's such a sweet baby! I'm not the crazy kind that dresses their dog up. That creeps me out. I did put devil horns on him once for halloween though...

Anyways so yes, with each day I've had more and more anxiety about leaving him behind. This entry sounds a bit manic. I will blame it on all the stress of packing, moving, and trying to fit in family and friend time before the move. I've become so flustered that I have double booked myself several times this week. Friday for example, I had lunch plans with 2 different people and 2 different dinner plans too. Why can't I keep these things straight?!

A farewell!

I'm only in the trenches part time nowadays, and with school looming very near in the future I am thinking about closing this blog. I may not have time and honestly I can be a bit paranoid about this blog getting out to some people.

I may keep the blog running, it really all depends. I've been spending my last days of freedom being asked to cover more shifts and the free days frolicking about with people I love and just enjoying my time.

Thanks to everyone who has kept up with this blog. I may not actually end it here, but I wanted to say farewell just in case I forget to later. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am someone who will know exactly what happened with a certain script out of the thousand we do in a day, yet forget what I have planned for the next day. Thanks for all the support and funny comments! I will continue keeping up with everyone's blogs, time has just been flying lately.

Check out the blogs on my blogroll! They are pretty great. Everything from pharmacy to hilarious gay centered blogs. Always good for a laugh, smile, and sometimes very insightful!

McDouchebag

Sorry about my slight absence. Ok, I'm not really sorry because I had an amazing vacation. I was on vacation with my best friend and we galavanted about for a week at an undisclosed location and had an amazing time! I missed her! My legs are now less blindingly white and slightly match the color of my upper body.

Now I'm back in the pharmacy trenches for just a few more short weeks. Time has flown by much too quickly and I need to start packing my life away.

Here are some quick funny pharmacy moments that make me die a little inside.

How can I help you? "I need to pick up something." Ok... are you picking up a prescription? "Yes." What's the last name you're picking up for? "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?" Umm. I don't think I can really help you any further unless you know the name you're picking up for.

While I'm talking to a patient and collecting the 'information' the ass of a store manager strolls about the pharmacy (while the phones are ringing off the hook and the drive thru bell is making that hideous noise) and asks me why I haven't answered the phone yet and helped them. I point to the patient that I'm talking to and I think he finally gets it through his fat head that I am busy at the moment. Yeah assface, just stand there and tell us how we could be 'more efficient' instead of making yourself useful. Then again I've seen his "helping out" and it's better when he's just not within 100 feet of the pharmacy.

Even better, while I was on the phone, he asks me why I haven't answered the other phone call. The only answer short of the finger I could give him was a dirty look and pointing to the phone that I am currently talking into. Now I've had two different handsets to my head before (one on a call while on hold with an insurance company), because I have great multi-tasking abilities, but this was not one of those moments where I can talk to two people at once. Why don't YOU answer the phone call you dumbass?

Sorry, this guy just freaking grinds my gears. Since the pharmacy makes a billion dollars profit for the store, he gets a nice cushy bonus. Our former store manager understood that the front store was where their help was needed. The pharmacy runs very efficiently for the volume of the store, so we were left alone until McDouchebag transferred in. Then came the stupid suggestions on how to do our work faster, when in reality he is slowing us down. I've learned to ignore him and stare off into space and concentrate on not killing a patient and nod every once in a while pretending to agree with whatever new douchebaggery suggestions he has to 'do things better'.

I will not miss him, but I will miss my staff. Such an amazing group of people for the most part! We make each other laugh to get through the day so we don't jump over the counter and yell into people's faces. I just can't believe how quickly time is flying.

Me? A homophobe?

I picked up an extra shift today as a favour for an old RX manager because something happened to her closing tech. I hadn't been to this store since '08 or '09, but from what I remember it wasn't too bad.

The store, regardless of how I remember it, is one of the most bipolar stores I have ever been in. At least at my store I know 99% have sticks up their ass, here, it was so random! Half the time they would snap at me, the other half would be really nice, and some started out nice, snaps at me when I ask them a routine question, and then apologizes?

I was so confused. But this is my usual state of mind. It wasn't until I helped rather toothless large man that things went from strange to WHAT THE FUCK?

I couldn't really tell what the passenger looked like as she was blocked by the large toothless man, but the name was for a male. Alright, it's an estrogen shot, gotcha trans. That's cool. Whatever. I've dated someone that was trans before except it was FTM. Not a big deal for me.

There was one large problem, this particular shot had a generic available and this patient wanted brand. This patient was also on a state funded medicaid program. Since the state is pretty broke, a rejection popped up saying PA required, generic must be dispensed. When I informed the patient they went all ghetto on my ass.

"Nuh-uh you don't know whatchu talkin bout do your fucking homework beetch. Fucking homophobe. I want someone else to help me bitch."

I literally was speechless. I set the phone down, walked over and said "Um... they don't want me to help them? Asked for somone else?"

Apparently they knew alllll about these two. Yeesh.

Then I broke out hysterically into laughter because she called me a homophobe. Everyone thought I had lost my mind. Most people I work with know full well I love the ladies, but I haven't really worked with these two before so I'm sure they were wondering what was so funny. (I don't announce it, most people either figure it out, or whatever. I personlly don't care who knows, but I'm not going to broadcast it.)

I don't care if you're black, yellow, brown, orange, pink, or rainbow colored. If your broke ass can't get a job, you should take what the state gives you. Not I want brand this and that. You want it, you pay for it. I have to pay for my own insurace that barely covers shit! I work hard to pay my bills and part of my hard earned money is being wasted on state funded medicaid. I know that some people need it and that's fine, but not people in big ass cars that would take an entire day of my pay to fill the tank up. Sell your fucking car if you 'can't afford you meds'.

This is starting to turn into an angry rant about medicaid, so I will stop here.