I feel overwhelmed right now. There's so much information to process, learn, and memorize! This year is definitely not as easy as first year, not that I expected it to be. I knew it was going to be harder, but I don't think I anticipated how hard it was going to be to balance everything.
The worst of it is over. I felt like I was running around every day for the past month between school, extracurricular activities, and work. I'm having trouble finding my "groove" this year. Last year I jumped into my regular study routine rather easily, but this year I just can't get the motivation up to do it. I think I'm over committed and my mind and body are just exhausted.
So until next time, I'm still alive (barely)! The only funny thing that happened recently was this:
We have a building that have glass windows from the floor up to the ceiling on certain sides. I was in such a rush that I ran straight into the window thinking it was a door. And yes, the room was full of other students. FAIL. I jumped back and ran for the door without looking back and pretty much kept running until I got to my next class.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Life and Death
As we grow older we learn and experience so many new things. We live, we learn, we gain new friends and lose others whether just in the shuffle of life or in death. I'm thankful for all the people I've had in my life whether I knew them for a night (not in the sexual way you dirty people) or I've known them my whole life. I've learned so much from the people in my life and it makes me smile knowing that even if just briefly, I had them in my life.
I'm writing today because I've lost a friend. It's not the first loss I've experienced and certainly will not be the last, but death is something no matter how many times you've gone through it, it never gets any easier. We weren't close, in fact she was a friend I met through my family. I considered her a friend because of the lasting impact she made on me on the few times we did meet. She had a great witty sarcastic outlook on life and always made me smile and laugh.
I was sad to learned that she had passed on, not even being aware that she was sick. She was a strong independent woman, so I'm not surprised I didn't know. The touching words friends have left for her truly show what a remarkable woman she was.
Death has taught me one of the most valuable things I always try to remember. You never know how much time you have with someone and it will never seem long enough. It has taught me to cherish the moments that I've shared with people I love. I keep those happy memories close and even if they fade with time, a reminder never fails to make me smile.
I was young when I experienced my first significant loss. It was the first time I understood the finality of death and how much it could weigh on you. To this day I remember certain parts of the funeral so vividly. I try to keep what little I remember, yet it seems so much harder with every passing year. For everyone I have lost I try to remember at least a few happy moments I was fortunate enough to share with them to keep their memory alive in my heart an in my mind.
Life seems so hectic now with classes, studies, and work. I feel overwhelmed and envious of friends that are getting married and having a family. I am probably closer with my friends that have children than those that don't because I adore children. I guess my friends are grateful because I'm their free babysitter, but I love it so much. They tease me that I'm ready to have kids and my terrified look always makes for a good laugh. I know I'll be ready some day, definitely after the insanity of school is over.
I know talking about babies and death in the same entry seems a bit odd, but for me it's inter-related. For me these two things continue to teach me more about life than any class could. I'm a lucky person, even though sometimes I do feel hopeless. These experiences help get me through the hopeless times to the hopeful times. And I truly hope this has given someone a new outlook on life and death. And I hopeTSD, who recently experienced a devastating loss is doing as well as she can be.
I'm writing today because I've lost a friend. It's not the first loss I've experienced and certainly will not be the last, but death is something no matter how many times you've gone through it, it never gets any easier. We weren't close, in fact she was a friend I met through my family. I considered her a friend because of the lasting impact she made on me on the few times we did meet. She had a great witty sarcastic outlook on life and always made me smile and laugh.
I was sad to learned that she had passed on, not even being aware that she was sick. She was a strong independent woman, so I'm not surprised I didn't know. The touching words friends have left for her truly show what a remarkable woman she was.
Death has taught me one of the most valuable things I always try to remember. You never know how much time you have with someone and it will never seem long enough. It has taught me to cherish the moments that I've shared with people I love. I keep those happy memories close and even if they fade with time, a reminder never fails to make me smile.
I was young when I experienced my first significant loss. It was the first time I understood the finality of death and how much it could weigh on you. To this day I remember certain parts of the funeral so vividly. I try to keep what little I remember, yet it seems so much harder with every passing year. For everyone I have lost I try to remember at least a few happy moments I was fortunate enough to share with them to keep their memory alive in my heart an in my mind.
Life seems so hectic now with classes, studies, and work. I feel overwhelmed and envious of friends that are getting married and having a family. I am probably closer with my friends that have children than those that don't because I adore children. I guess my friends are grateful because I'm their free babysitter, but I love it so much. They tease me that I'm ready to have kids and my terrified look always makes for a good laugh. I know I'll be ready some day, definitely after the insanity of school is over.
I know talking about babies and death in the same entry seems a bit odd, but for me it's inter-related. For me these two things continue to teach me more about life than any class could. I'm a lucky person, even though sometimes I do feel hopeless. These experiences help get me through the hopeless times to the hopeful times. And I truly hope this has given someone a new outlook on life and death. And I hopeTSD, who recently experienced a devastating loss is doing as well as she can be.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
One day at a time.
Breaking up with my fiance earlier this year was quite possibly one of the hardest things I've had to do. It definitely tops off the list of reasons why I'm not so fond of 2011. I wish I could say I handled it gracefully. Sadly, I spent the first few months doing destructive things. My school work suffered, my friends were unsure of how to act around me. Friends mentioning her name made me tense up and shut down. I doubted my choice and wondered if I should give in to her pleas and get back together.
There were days where I all I wanted to do was be safe in her arms again. Days when I wondered if I could ever feel that way about someone again.
I'm not quite sure how I did it, but I stayed with my convictions. And today I was able to mention her in a conversation without it bringing me down. My friends tensed at the mention of her name, watching for my reaction and wondering what was going through my mind. It feels good to know I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. It feels good to know that I can mention her without the lingering feeling of bitterness and hurt.
It still hurts to think about, but I can slowly feel myself being able to let this go. It's not much of a start, but a start nonetheless. Still taking it one day at a time, but at least it's getting easier.
There were days where I all I wanted to do was be safe in her arms again. Days when I wondered if I could ever feel that way about someone again.
I'm not quite sure how I did it, but I stayed with my convictions. And today I was able to mention her in a conversation without it bringing me down. My friends tensed at the mention of her name, watching for my reaction and wondering what was going through my mind. It feels good to know I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. It feels good to know that I can mention her without the lingering feeling of bitterness and hurt.
It still hurts to think about, but I can slowly feel myself being able to let this go. It's not much of a start, but a start nonetheless. Still taking it one day at a time, but at least it's getting easier.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Stories from the pharm
Procrastination on school work really gets me blogging it seems. Can you blame me? Who has the time to blog when there's all this free time lying around for mischievous antics anyhow? I have so many classes this term, I am starting to wonder why I took 2 electives and threw in some research for kicks. I've been throwing in some hours at work before the fun really starts with exams. That way I can at least eat for a few more weeks once I start working less haha.
People are nuts. We had a guy yell at one of my techs for 20 minutes that we kept filling his mom's prescriptions when she had months worth at home. Screaming that we were taking advantage of a poor blind woman.
First off... I've seen this woman DRIVE to the pharmacy. Oh good god, she's blind?! Second, she CALLS us every month to refill her medications. This leads us to believe she's taking it as directed... and not stocking up for the next nuclear holocaust. Then suddenly it's our fault and that we should know and keep track of her medication. How exactly are we supposed to know what she has at home? We only have the last fill date to go by. Take care of your own mother, or hire someone to do it for you.
Then we have "why isn't it ready yet?" man for a compounded medication. Look man, if you don't call us to make it for you, we are NOT going to make it. Those have short expiration dates, we are not fortune tellers (because if we were we surely would be working for Ms. Cleo instead of dealing with this) so you need to tell us if you need something filled. Secondly, when we compound something it means we actually have to make it. No it's not going to take 5 minutes. Dissolving 30 capsules of lansoprazole in sodium bicarbonate has to be one of the most excruciating and annoying compounds to make. Well, aside from suppositories. By the way, I make some gorgeous suppositories, almost seems like a waste that it's just gonna get shoved up someone's ass. Well, ok, the ones I hate making the most are capsules.
Then there's also dealing with the new kid. I swear he types with one finger and has to think about each and every single letter before he presses the key. He also doesn't properly notate prescriptions, or scans them into the system. He's been around for 2 months. Writing a date of birth on the script and scanning it should be second nature by now. He may as well be counting by 1's at the rate that he fills. He also seems to have difficulty putting away drugs in the right place. This kid is killing me. He walked around for 5 minutes asking us 3 times for permission to go home. It just ended with me pleading for him to just leave. As soon as he leaves... still busy... but somehow we manage to get it under control. He's a nice kid, but he's gonna be the death of me.
I love my job, I really do. But days like these just make me want to slam my head into a wall.
People are nuts. We had a guy yell at one of my techs for 20 minutes that we kept filling his mom's prescriptions when she had months worth at home. Screaming that we were taking advantage of a poor blind woman.
First off... I've seen this woman DRIVE to the pharmacy. Oh good god, she's blind?! Second, she CALLS us every month to refill her medications. This leads us to believe she's taking it as directed... and not stocking up for the next nuclear holocaust. Then suddenly it's our fault and that we should know and keep track of her medication. How exactly are we supposed to know what she has at home? We only have the last fill date to go by. Take care of your own mother, or hire someone to do it for you.
Then we have "why isn't it ready yet?" man for a compounded medication. Look man, if you don't call us to make it for you, we are NOT going to make it. Those have short expiration dates, we are not fortune tellers (because if we were we surely would be working for Ms. Cleo instead of dealing with this) so you need to tell us if you need something filled. Secondly, when we compound something it means we actually have to make it. No it's not going to take 5 minutes. Dissolving 30 capsules of lansoprazole in sodium bicarbonate has to be one of the most excruciating and annoying compounds to make. Well, aside from suppositories. By the way, I make some gorgeous suppositories, almost seems like a waste that it's just gonna get shoved up someone's ass. Well, ok, the ones I hate making the most are capsules.
Then there's also dealing with the new kid. I swear he types with one finger and has to think about each and every single letter before he presses the key. He also doesn't properly notate prescriptions, or scans them into the system. He's been around for 2 months. Writing a date of birth on the script and scanning it should be second nature by now. He may as well be counting by 1's at the rate that he fills. He also seems to have difficulty putting away drugs in the right place. This kid is killing me. He walked around for 5 minutes asking us 3 times for permission to go home. It just ended with me pleading for him to just leave. As soon as he leaves... still busy... but somehow we manage to get it under control. He's a nice kid, but he's gonna be the death of me.
I love my job, I really do. But days like these just make me want to slam my head into a wall.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Happy school year!
Ok, so when I'm NOT in school there is this stuff called "free time" that I get to utilize. That stuff is amazing and rather addicting. It also paves the way for such social activities as drink until you get a fatty liver, or read to your hearts content. Now we all know what most of the general population will do...
Well, in my case I do a bit of it all. I throw in a lot of TV time too (which is where I got this blog title... stupid delicious wheaties). As I gear up for another school year I feel terrified and daunted by the dreaded "second year". Will my fatty liver recover in time for after exam drink-a-thons to forget that horror that just passed? Will I ever catch up on these TV shows that I just discovered?? (probably not)
I'm going to bet good money that any new rx ads that come up on TV after I start school will become a patient question. I hadn't watched tv in years until this past summer. I had a patient come up to me and as a question about a "commercial she saw last year" for an OTC med about a "purple pill" and if I've heard of it. Having not watched TV in a while I and racked my brain for this magical purple pill I asked for more details.
What is this medication for?
"I DON'T KNOW. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE COMMERCIAL? IT SAID I NEEDED IT!!!"
Umm... If you don't know what it's for, or what you want it to treat... I'm going to go with you don't need to put this mystical pill into your body. Have a grape lollipop instead.
Ah... I can't wait.
Well, in my case I do a bit of it all. I throw in a lot of TV time too (which is where I got this blog title... stupid delicious wheaties). As I gear up for another school year I feel terrified and daunted by the dreaded "second year". Will my fatty liver recover in time for after exam drink-a-thons to forget that horror that just passed? Will I ever catch up on these TV shows that I just discovered?? (probably not)
I'm going to bet good money that any new rx ads that come up on TV after I start school will become a patient question. I hadn't watched tv in years until this past summer. I had a patient come up to me and as a question about a "commercial she saw last year" for an OTC med about a "purple pill" and if I've heard of it. Having not watched TV in a while I and racked my brain for this magical purple pill I asked for more details.
What is this medication for?
"I DON'T KNOW. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE COMMERCIAL? IT SAID I NEEDED IT!!!"
Umm... If you don't know what it's for, or what you want it to treat... I'm going to go with you don't need to put this mystical pill into your body. Have a grape lollipop instead.
Ah... I can't wait.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wait, it's August?!
I looked at my watch today and saw that it was August 1st. What the... where did July go? Where did my summer go? My lack of updates is really just because my life has not been all that interesting.
I've read about 7 books this summer. Yes, I'm a nerd, but hey I've loved it. Whenever life gets too demanding and I really just can't handle any more social events, I like to lock myself in a room and just read. It's not that I don't like social events. I love hanging out with my friends, but some days I just need to be alone. I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy- which was amazing. I read the trilogy in about 4 days. It would have been 3 had work not intervened. Haha. I've watched a ton of movies and I've had a lot of cuddle time with my pup. It's been a nice summer.
See? This is why I haven't updated... I have nothing interesting to say! I'll stop wasting your time now ;)
I've read about 7 books this summer. Yes, I'm a nerd, but hey I've loved it. Whenever life gets too demanding and I really just can't handle any more social events, I like to lock myself in a room and just read. It's not that I don't like social events. I love hanging out with my friends, but some days I just need to be alone. I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy- which was amazing. I read the trilogy in about 4 days. It would have been 3 had work not intervened. Haha. I've watched a ton of movies and I've had a lot of cuddle time with my pup. It's been a nice summer.
See? This is why I haven't updated... I have nothing interesting to say! I'll stop wasting your time now ;)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Coming Out.
I've been thinking a lot about family lately. In my life, I am out in so many ways. I'm out at work, at school, to my friends, yet I am not in one of the most important parts of my life, my family. I'm not ashamed of who I am or things that I cannot change. I am who I am, I'm who they raised me to be. I work hard, I care deeply for those that are close to me, I was raised to love my family and be there for them, and I stand up for what I believe in. I know they didn't raise me to be gay, but I can't help who I am or who I love. It's not something neither they nor I can change.
The only thing I hate about being gay is the fear of losing my family. I know they love me and are proud of the person I have grown up to be and am continuing to grow into. It terrifies me that something I cannot change could cause me to lose one of the most important parts of my life. I know my friends say that it will take time and that they may surprise me and take it well, but they don't know my family like I do. The ones in my family I am out to pretty much feel the same way I do.
For years I have lived my life as fully and happily as I can. When people can't accept me for who I am, I remove them from my life and move on. Why keep someone in my life if they cannot accept me as I am? Yet it makes me feel like such a hypocrite because I cannot bring myself to come out to my family, because I can't walk away from them. I don't think I'm strong enough. Family is the most important thing to me.
My close friends tell me that I need to sooner rather than later, that they will have to accept it eventually and fuck them if they don't. I just can't. I do have an amazing group of friends that I consider a part of my family, but I can't just walk away.
What makes it harder now, is that I'm at that age where my parents want to see me find someone to marry. When my mom started talking about boyfriends and husbands I froze. I thought about the woman I almost married, the life we had planned to share, the family we wanted to have. Then I thought about the family my mom wants me to have, the one I won't have.
I plan big life decisions very carefully. Those big decisions include coming out to my family some day. My mom's sudden want to talk about getting married has really thrown a wrench in those plans. I always have alternate plans when things like this go wrong, why didn't I think of one for this?!
The only thing I hate about being gay is the fear of losing my family. I know they love me and are proud of the person I have grown up to be and am continuing to grow into. It terrifies me that something I cannot change could cause me to lose one of the most important parts of my life. I know my friends say that it will take time and that they may surprise me and take it well, but they don't know my family like I do. The ones in my family I am out to pretty much feel the same way I do.
For years I have lived my life as fully and happily as I can. When people can't accept me for who I am, I remove them from my life and move on. Why keep someone in my life if they cannot accept me as I am? Yet it makes me feel like such a hypocrite because I cannot bring myself to come out to my family, because I can't walk away from them. I don't think I'm strong enough. Family is the most important thing to me.
My close friends tell me that I need to sooner rather than later, that they will have to accept it eventually and fuck them if they don't. I just can't. I do have an amazing group of friends that I consider a part of my family, but I can't just walk away.
What makes it harder now, is that I'm at that age where my parents want to see me find someone to marry. When my mom started talking about boyfriends and husbands I froze. I thought about the woman I almost married, the life we had planned to share, the family we wanted to have. Then I thought about the family my mom wants me to have, the one I won't have.
I plan big life decisions very carefully. Those big decisions include coming out to my family some day. My mom's sudden want to talk about getting married has really thrown a wrench in those plans. I always have alternate plans when things like this go wrong, why didn't I think of one for this?!
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