Another year come and gone!
Going through it all made it feel like an eternity. My last week of P2 year was probably one of the longest weeks of my life. Actually, aren’t finals weeks always the longest weeks of your life? It’s a weird time warp where you panic about not having enough time to learn all the material you need to study, but at the same time it feels like the week is never going to end and neither will the exams.
I have officially taken all my exams, passed all my courses and I am officially 50% of the way to my PharmD! It’s been a bit of a tough year for me emotionally which made this school year a bit tough. I somehow pulled through without too many hits on my grades. Trying to pull focus when you need it and your brain doesn’t want to provide it was probably the most challenging part of it all. I found myself sitting in the library for hours staring at the same page.
My melodramatic side was unsure if I could even finish out this year. By the time the last month or two of school rolled around I was out of motivation, focus, and fucks to give. Classic burn out? I guess it’s a good thing pharm school costs an arm, a leg, and probably your first born. It’s pretty much the only reason I didn’t fully give up. I did pretty mediocrely though.
Oh well, it’s my last summer before rotations! I am going to enjoy it and hope I don’t want to die this time next year.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
just a quick update
As I am writing this a part of me is nagging me reminding me I have two exams to study for this week. One of which is tomorrow. I seem to have dropped into this lull and I don’t like it. I feel tired all the time, unwilling to do much aside from lie in bed and waste the day away. It took me 6 hours yesterday to drag myself from bed to get out of my apartment and just do…. Something, anything.
I’m not sure what set me off really. My ex and I are restarting our friendship. It’s actually been quite nice. I’m just worried because at this point I feel rather vulnerable and wonder if I may fall in love with her again for all the wrong reasons because it feels safe. I’m not sure what has brought me to this point, but I am trying my best to shake it off. I hate feeling this way. I hope it passes, soon.
Sorry about the not so uplifting post.
I’m not sure what set me off really. My ex and I are restarting our friendship. It’s actually been quite nice. I’m just worried because at this point I feel rather vulnerable and wonder if I may fall in love with her again for all the wrong reasons because it feels safe. I’m not sure what has brought me to this point, but I am trying my best to shake it off. I hate feeling this way. I hope it passes, soon.
Sorry about the not so uplifting post.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Starting over?
"Can we start over?"
A few weeks ago I woke up one morning to an email from my ex entitled just that. I thought I was still asleep, surely she wasn't really going to try this again? It had been months since I last heard from her and our last words were not kind words.
I haven't opened it yet. It is sitting in my inbox and I am wondering if this is a path I want to venture down. I fought so hard to remove her from my life because it hurt too much to keep her in it. All the pleading, phone calls, and texts she had sent me came flooding back. How could I keep her in my life when I wanted to hate her?
All the anger has subsided, I've moved on with my life. A small part of me does still wonder if one day we will find our way back to each other. This email threw me though. I want to talk to my friends about it, but I am scared that they'll just look at my disapprovingly that I will even consider reading what she has to say. I guess I really should be studying for my barrage of exams instead of worrying about this.
It's nice though, that the email didn't draw more emotion from me other than a bit of confusion and apathy. I think I'm more worried about whether or not I'm ready to read what may be in this letter.
Maybe next week!
A few weeks ago I woke up one morning to an email from my ex entitled just that. I thought I was still asleep, surely she wasn't really going to try this again? It had been months since I last heard from her and our last words were not kind words.
I haven't opened it yet. It is sitting in my inbox and I am wondering if this is a path I want to venture down. I fought so hard to remove her from my life because it hurt too much to keep her in it. All the pleading, phone calls, and texts she had sent me came flooding back. How could I keep her in my life when I wanted to hate her?
All the anger has subsided, I've moved on with my life. A small part of me does still wonder if one day we will find our way back to each other. This email threw me though. I want to talk to my friends about it, but I am scared that they'll just look at my disapprovingly that I will even consider reading what she has to say. I guess I really should be studying for my barrage of exams instead of worrying about this.
It's nice though, that the email didn't draw more emotion from me other than a bit of confusion and apathy. I think I'm more worried about whether or not I'm ready to read what may be in this letter.
Maybe next week!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
School, Smash, and Prop 8
Holy what it's February?!
Pharmacy school is notorious for two things:
1) Making each block fly by
2) Making many courses drag by
It's not contradicting! In a few of my classes I swear every minute feels like a year, but then I look back on the whole block and I can't believe it's time for finals again. Commence sleepless nights, anxiety, and self diagnosing yourself with every disorder you are studying. I'm not kidding, we were covering mental health and it stated "Patient A is depressed because states that she finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning and when she goes home all she does is crawl in bed and watch TV."
Um, excuse me, that's what I do EVERY DAY. Actually, we pretty much all looked at each other and thought the same thing, "Wait, that's not normal?!".
Enough about school. Let's talk about my new love: Smash. Not Hulk Smash! Not the sound of students banging their heads against the walls in frustration. I am talking about the new TV show. I never would have heard of it had I not seen the ads for it during the Super Bowl. You know you've been in pharmacy school too long when you spell bowl, bowel repeatedly. Aside from my obsession with musical theatre, they hooked me with Megan Hilty. I love her voice. I could listen to her all day, and then I watched the show.
WHERE HAS KATHARINE MCPHEE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! I'm pretty sure I swooned when they did a duet.
Let's be real here. Any show centered around Broadway that has amazing voices I will love. I'm not saying I will love the story line, but I have a wonderful skill where I just enjoy the songs and the beautiful voices.
And last, but not least:
Prop 8 was ruled UNCONSTITUTIONAL by the ninth circuit court!!!! Just another step in the long uphill battle.
From the LA Times:
The court concluded that Prop. 8 served no purpose other than to "lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians."
Now if only more people could see and understand that. It's not a matter of religion. If it was purely religious, I'd say keep it. We can come up with a better name for gay marriage, well not me because I have the creativity of a potato. But we could, and it'd be fabulous. It's the fact that "marriage" in the United States allows for certain RIGHTS and BENEFITS to married couples, including but not limited to: tax breaks, medical and legal rights, things that the government grants couples with a legal binding contract that is not offered to single people (or gays). No, civil unions do not grant the same legal benefits and nor is it recognized on a federal level. It's like saying you get a tax break for being white, but not if you're black. Or, white people get this tax break on the state and this from the federal government, but you can only have it on the state level because you're not white.
Is that fair? Is that equal?
Let's face it, it's not. And really this is just my "logical" argument for gay marriage rights and rights in general. Separate is not equal. My heart tells me that it's not right because you are denying couples that love and adore each other (certainly more than Kim Kardashawhatever did that dude and Rush and his 3 divorces) the right to marry. Sanctity of marriage my ass. If people can get married to someone they just met in Vegas, then let Adam marry Steve and Eve marry Kate. The world will not implode or explode, life will go on.
P.S. Just because I like women does not mean I want to marry a toaster, a horse, or a building. That argument doesn't even make sense. Consenting adult does not equal inanimate objects, animals, or children.
Pharmacy school is notorious for two things:
1) Making each block fly by
2) Making many courses drag by
It's not contradicting! In a few of my classes I swear every minute feels like a year, but then I look back on the whole block and I can't believe it's time for finals again. Commence sleepless nights, anxiety, and self diagnosing yourself with every disorder you are studying. I'm not kidding, we were covering mental health and it stated "Patient A is depressed because states that she finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning and when she goes home all she does is crawl in bed and watch TV."
Um, excuse me, that's what I do EVERY DAY. Actually, we pretty much all looked at each other and thought the same thing, "Wait, that's not normal?!".
Enough about school. Let's talk about my new love: Smash. Not Hulk Smash! Not the sound of students banging their heads against the walls in frustration. I am talking about the new TV show. I never would have heard of it had I not seen the ads for it during the Super Bowl. You know you've been in pharmacy school too long when you spell bowl, bowel repeatedly. Aside from my obsession with musical theatre, they hooked me with Megan Hilty. I love her voice. I could listen to her all day, and then I watched the show.
WHERE HAS KATHARINE MCPHEE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! I'm pretty sure I swooned when they did a duet.
Let's be real here. Any show centered around Broadway that has amazing voices I will love. I'm not saying I will love the story line, but I have a wonderful skill where I just enjoy the songs and the beautiful voices.
And last, but not least:
Prop 8 was ruled UNCONSTITUTIONAL by the ninth circuit court!!!! Just another step in the long uphill battle.
From the LA Times:
The court concluded that Prop. 8 served no purpose other than to "lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians."
Now if only more people could see and understand that. It's not a matter of religion. If it was purely religious, I'd say keep it. We can come up with a better name for gay marriage, well not me because I have the creativity of a potato. But we could, and it'd be fabulous. It's the fact that "marriage" in the United States allows for certain RIGHTS and BENEFITS to married couples, including but not limited to: tax breaks, medical and legal rights, things that the government grants couples with a legal binding contract that is not offered to single people (or gays). No, civil unions do not grant the same legal benefits and nor is it recognized on a federal level. It's like saying you get a tax break for being white, but not if you're black. Or, white people get this tax break on the state and this from the federal government, but you can only have it on the state level because you're not white.
Is that fair? Is that equal?
Let's face it, it's not. And really this is just my "logical" argument for gay marriage rights and rights in general. Separate is not equal. My heart tells me that it's not right because you are denying couples that love and adore each other (certainly more than Kim Kardashawhatever did that dude and Rush and his 3 divorces) the right to marry. Sanctity of marriage my ass. If people can get married to someone they just met in Vegas, then let Adam marry Steve and Eve marry Kate. The world will not implode or explode, life will go on.
P.S. Just because I like women does not mean I want to marry a toaster, a horse, or a building. That argument doesn't even make sense. Consenting adult does not equal inanimate objects, animals, or children.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
She's gay, you all know each other right?!
Let's get one thing straight folks (aside from the fact that I am not). Being gay does not automatically mean you know every single gay person in the area, or in my case, school. Sadly, I know maybe 2 (out) gay people at school. I know there are more, yes I know they must exist, but no I have not met and befriended them all. I'm not saying that I don't want to. It'd be really nice to not feel like the only lesbian on campus (even though I know that is definitely not true). I would like to meet and talk to them, but how awkward would be that interaction be?
"Oh hi, um so my friends tell me that you're gay, too." And that would probably be the end of our awkward exchange.
We're in grad school guys! 95% of us are very awkward people! (true for my campus at least) Granted, some much more than others, but I am not about to become a gay seeking missile (similar to a heat seeking missile?) and find every single gay person that people tell me about. I've thought about it... because though I love my friends, sometimes being the token gay is not so much fun.
I just find it strange and sometimes hilarious that people will say things like "OH! So I met this gay girl, you know her right?" or "You must know her, she's a lesbian."
That's like walking up to an Asian and saying "Hey this person is Asian too, y'all know each other right?" or "Hey, you're a Jew, you know so-and-so right?! Cos he's a Jew, too!"
Sorry to slip in the Jew comment, because people actually have come up to me and asked if I knew this person because he was an Asian, too. Some people are kind of special.
So public service announcement: Just cos someone is gay doesn't automatically mean they know all the gays in the world.
You're welcome. Now go be awkward about something else.
"Oh hi, um so my friends tell me that you're gay, too." And that would probably be the end of our awkward exchange.
We're in grad school guys! 95% of us are very awkward people! (true for my campus at least) Granted, some much more than others, but I am not about to become a gay seeking missile (similar to a heat seeking missile?) and find every single gay person that people tell me about. I've thought about it... because though I love my friends, sometimes being the token gay is not so much fun.
I just find it strange and sometimes hilarious that people will say things like "OH! So I met this gay girl, you know her right?" or "You must know her, she's a lesbian."
That's like walking up to an Asian and saying "Hey this person is Asian too, y'all know each other right?" or "Hey, you're a Jew, you know so-and-so right?! Cos he's a Jew, too!"
Sorry to slip in the Jew comment, because people actually have come up to me and asked if I knew this person because he was an Asian, too. Some people are kind of special.
So public service announcement: Just cos someone is gay doesn't automatically mean they know all the gays in the world.
You're welcome. Now go be awkward about something else.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
New Obsession
Ah, so my new obsession is currently cooking. The problem is finding time to cook, when I barely have enough time to exercise. Ah, a tip I left out in my last post. Exercising is key to maintaining your sanity in pharmacy school. I was so busy this entire week that I didn't get any of my running, biking, and training in that I was extremely antsy in class. I feel bad for my classmates because I cannot stop moving when this happens. Between it being freaking freezing, exams, work, and meetings the only time I have left to myself is late at night. Granted I should have just taken my notes and at least gone biking, but busy is my excuse for being fat. Haha!
But I digress.
I have always loved cooking and one of my goals this year was to 1) eat at least twice a day (also an issue with being busy) 2) eat healthier (another side effect of being busy #whatfatpeoplesay) 3) it really sucks to just cook for one person.
I was actually doing pretty well! I would blog my latest cooking adventure... but I fear it may cause me to lose my anonymity just in case someone I know stumbles upon this blog. It was so delicious though.
I can't wait for my next project now that I have a group of guinea pigs. Another benefit of pharm school- lots of hungry friends that are willing it what you create (once they test it out and make sure it won't make them sick) hahaha.
But I digress.
I have always loved cooking and one of my goals this year was to 1) eat at least twice a day (also an issue with being busy) 2) eat healthier (another side effect of being busy #whatfatpeoplesay) 3) it really sucks to just cook for one person.
I was actually doing pretty well! I would blog my latest cooking adventure... but I fear it may cause me to lose my anonymity just in case someone I know stumbles upon this blog. It was so delicious though.
I can't wait for my next project now that I have a group of guinea pigs. Another benefit of pharm school- lots of hungry friends that are willing it what you create (once they test it out and make sure it won't make them sick) hahaha.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
How to Succeed in Pharmacy School
I've had several people ask me what my secret is to "not failing" and doing "well" on exams. There is no secret, really. It takes a lot of work. People that write it off as "oh it's because you're lucky and you're smart."
That is far from the truth. I work and study really hard, but I also balance it with fun and relaxation. They don't see the countless hours I spend in the horrible library studying for my exams and trying desperately to learn as much as I can before the exam. I find it really obnoxious when people who don't go to class, don't take notes in class, and try to cram everything in in one night think that I don't have to work at all for my grades. Yes, some people don't have to work at all and they gets straight As (those bastards) and some people work even harder than I do and barely pass.
So here's how I get through pharm school:
1) I go to class and here's the secret: I PAY ATTENTION in class. Well, at least try. Haha.
2) I take extensive notes. I will re-write things in a totally dumbed down way just to make sure if I come back to study and suddenly become dumber than a sack of bricks (totally happens all the time) I have a "stupid persons guide" to understanding the notes. It also helps make sure I'm paying attention in class.
3) I re-write my notes. Extremely time consuming... but if I need to get a concept, sometimes it's the only way for me.
4) Make sure you actually understand the concepts instead of just saying "oh yeah I know that" and then coming to it on the exam and going "OH F@#$!"
5) I wake up about 3 hours before an exam to wake myself up and get out of that groggy state and refresh my mind with the material on the exam.
6) Make sure you use any free time to relax and have fun. This is probably the most important part because it will keep you from burning out. I would go INSANE without my "fun time". And don't say there isn't any time. You need to make time.
And that's pretty much what I do. It's pretty simple, but it won't work for everyone. This is just how I do it. Haha so with that disclaimer- I don't want any comments about how I caused you to fail your exams.
That is far from the truth. I work and study really hard, but I also balance it with fun and relaxation. They don't see the countless hours I spend in the horrible library studying for my exams and trying desperately to learn as much as I can before the exam. I find it really obnoxious when people who don't go to class, don't take notes in class, and try to cram everything in in one night think that I don't have to work at all for my grades. Yes, some people don't have to work at all and they gets straight As (those bastards) and some people work even harder than I do and barely pass.
So here's how I get through pharm school:
1) I go to class and here's the secret: I PAY ATTENTION in class. Well, at least try. Haha.
2) I take extensive notes. I will re-write things in a totally dumbed down way just to make sure if I come back to study and suddenly become dumber than a sack of bricks (totally happens all the time) I have a "stupid persons guide" to understanding the notes. It also helps make sure I'm paying attention in class.
3) I re-write my notes. Extremely time consuming... but if I need to get a concept, sometimes it's the only way for me.
4) Make sure you actually understand the concepts instead of just saying "oh yeah I know that" and then coming to it on the exam and going "OH F@#$!"
5) I wake up about 3 hours before an exam to wake myself up and get out of that groggy state and refresh my mind with the material on the exam.
6) Make sure you use any free time to relax and have fun. This is probably the most important part because it will keep you from burning out. I would go INSANE without my "fun time". And don't say there isn't any time. You need to make time.
And that's pretty much what I do. It's pretty simple, but it won't work for everyone. This is just how I do it. Haha so with that disclaimer- I don't want any comments about how I caused you to fail your exams.
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