Thursday, January 27, 2011

Gay Bars Story Time

Well, since I'm procrastinating on the piles of things I need to learn by tomorrow and the next several weeks I thought I'd share with you all a funny story. Well, to me it's funny.

So there was once a gay bar in a wondrous place with shiny lights and happy queens squealing in delight.

Ok, that was weird. Let's have a normal story time.

So there we were, celebrating my gay hubby's birthday with some of his friends. I was so drunk, I literally couldn't feel feelings. Not your emotional feelings, but actual sensory feelings. I'm sure if someone hit me with a chair I would have fallen down, but probably would have gotten right back up. Well, if I could get the balance together to do so. I was probably 3 times over my normal limit (normal limit is 2 drinks haha), and I was dancing like a fool and not bothered by the plethora of penises that were definitely rubbing up on me.

Oh what's the harm, they are all gay right?? Well sometimes I wonder. I had random gay guys walk up to me and ask to touch my boobs. Seriously, they would walk up to me and say "Wow. Can I please touch your boobs?" (For the record, I don't have huge breasts. I have no idea why they chose me.)

You would think my husband would protect me, but no of course not. Instead he says "YEAH! It's easy, just do this! HONK!" Luckily, I was too drunk to be too horrified that he had just grabbed my boob, and so started the train of boys awkwardly grabbing my boob.

Seriously. You know they are gay, when they are intrigued, yet not quite sure how to "touch it". Thank freaking goodness I was hammered, because the next morning I woke up and said WHAT. THE. F-CK?!

Anyways, so after about 4 gay guys grabbed me, two of which I had literally just met, the liquor was doing its job and I had to pee. Gay guy bars, have really shitty women's bathrooms. How shitty you ask?

Well, let's see. There was one stall. The toilet had no seat. Oh yeah, and the stall had no door. I am actually weirded out at the series of events that proceeded, but apparently I just didn't care then. There were a lot of women there too, and as always there was a line.

So I'm doing my business, trying to ignore the fact there is no door, and then I look up and this girl is literally staring at me. Seriously? Yeah, look away after I spot you staring. Maybe she was trying to look down my shirt. At least she was cute. Maybe I should have gotten her number. Haha.

I come back to my boys to find them equally hammered and extremely intrigued by strobe lights. Gay boys and strobe lights. Go figure. The rest of the night was very normal in comparison to those two specific incidents.

I hope you all enjoyed story time. I guess I should put in some study time now. Maybe.

1 comment:

Brahmin in Boston said...


Next stop - gay bar.

Seriously, that is so funny yet not funny. But I can totally understand the curiosity! Boobs are awesome, after all! :D