Sunday, November 30, 2008

I think I broke the closet door on the way out.

I think having to be in the closet with my family has pretty much prevented me from being in the closet at work, which is like my second home since I'm there so freakin much. Which is a huge change to a year ago before I was tossed out of the closet by my coworkers. My sexuality is just not a topic I usually discuss, but since I'm such a bad liar, I used to refer to my ex as 'them'. I know lame. So since I would never say he, or ex-boyfriend or whatever, they picked up on it and being the gossipy people they are eventually figured it out. After reassurances and being told how much it annoyed them that I never really say I'm gay and that I just gloss over it, I got over it.

Well, cue today... I am still very wary about coming out to new coworkers because I like to avoid any type of drama or weird stuff with people. So unless it comes up I usually just keep it to myself. I was talking to Cam today and telling her why I was tired and pissed off because my ex had called me very late at night and then some asshole decided to call me at 3am, I just dropped the whole 'them' crap and said she/her. Several times. I figured it was best not to confuse anyone, it's bound to come up, especially with L around who outs me all the time. I don't know I figured if Cam had a problem with it, so be it. What was she going to do to me? She took it very well.

Well I take the really big smile and laughing at me (as per usual) as a sign that it didn't matter, she didn't care, or she already knew. Well, when you come rolling out of the closet, might as well do it with a bang right? I had to tell Ivan the story about L tossing me out (again), and Cam and the new girl(TNG) were still in the room. He laughed his butt off. TNG, I don't really know how she reacted since my back was to her, but I see her like once a week. Opposite shifts and schedules and whathaveyou.

All I have to do now is take care of this silly crush. Give me two weeks. She reminds me of my ex, so that is either going to help or make things worse. We shall see.

In other unrelated news I took my kids to see Bolt! (For the confused, I refer to my little cousins as my kids hehe) Such a cute movie!! I had to run home and hug and cuddle my pup after. I didn't realize how much I missed my kids until last night. It had been a while since the four of us went out for dinner and a movie. Well, The Dark Knight being the last time. They are all so grown up now! Before I left for college they were just elementary school kids and now the oldest is in high school! I decided to watch the 3D version which was awesome! I giggled and said, Merry Christmas guys, don't think you're getting Xmas gifts now haha. Which is a total lie and they know it. They just don't know their Christmas presents are either one their way to me or already in my room.

In other exciting news, I am going back to visit my college friends in January, and/or possibly going to Hawaii and staying with an old friend from high school! I am soooo excited!! I haven't seen him since he was deployed to Iraq and he's been back for two years now! But he's currently stationed in HI, so I never got a chance to see him. He's such a great guy. Haha he said he had some lesbians for me to meet. That was hilarious. We were pretty close while he was deployed, and I'm so happy he's safe back in the states for now. I'm so glad he's coming back in a month!

Friday, November 28, 2008


This one's for you, TSD!

This was my second time seeing Wicked in LA. I pretty much played hookie (with permission) from work and went and saw it with my sister in law. I saw it first with my cousin last summer. Ok, it still ROCKED the second time around. I love love love Megan Hilty. She is so flippin hilarious as G(a)linda. I was slightly upset to find out that Eden Espinosa wasn't performing (again! twice in a row!), but her understudy was amazing! She nailed Defying Gravity, I was impressed. I was also super excited that Megan Hilty was still there, I think I squeed.

I was still laughing pretty hard. It's such a funny show. If it ever comes to your respective towns I really recommend it! My sister is in love with the book when I accidentally left it at her house one day. She didn't like it the first time around because she expected it to be like the book. So for those of you out there who have read it, this is a PG version of the book. The book is a bit more 'R' rated.

The woman playing Nessarose was also gorgeous. I am a big OBC fan, but she was absolutely beautiful! So was Elphaba. Seriously, if I had a girlfriend who could sing I'd probably go temporarily insane and marry her on the spot. haha. Ok, maybe not, but I'd probably be head over heels easy. That's my kryptonite. haha.

Dude Galinda sparkled so much it nearly blinded me, I could have been sitting in the back and still see her glitter from a distance haha! I had orchestra seats again, because that's how we roll. Someone kept kicking the back of my seat though, that was not cool.

There was one really weird thing I saw though. At first I really I saw someone in short hair and a skirt, and thought he was a she. Then I realized it was a guy wearing a skirt. Haha! My sister leaned over to me and said, "There's something weird about the chorus there..." me "You mean the guy wearing the skirt?" hahaha. It wasn't that obvious until he had a mini solo dance and twirled in the skirt. I definitely do not remember seeing that the first time. Yay Wicked and guys in drag! I wonder if this was purposely done or he just couldn't find his pants that day, because he was dancing with a woman. So I definitely know they weren't missing a female dancer that day. hehe.

I still squeed every time my favorite songs came up haha. The small bits of improve that make the show really worth while to see it again.

The only downside? I'm going to have the songs stuck in my head until next week. I love musicals! I really want to see Mamma Mia, Grease, and Rent when it comes to town after Wicked leaves.

I want to see it again! >.> I am such a nerd. I just can't help it. I love musicals.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Outed at work, again.

Haha. So last night I was very excited in thinking my manager forgot to call and tell me she wanted me on as an "extra" to cover for the pre-Thanksgiving madness. Then at 11:01pm (according to my cell phone) I get a text message that read:

"Carolyn! I forgot to call and tell you to come in at 10am tomorrow!"

D'OH! I was so excited I made lunch plans to pick up my 12 and 14 year old cousins to have lunch since they got out of school early today. =( So I had to text one to tell them I couldn't. I was uber sad, I was really super excited to have lunch with them. But then again I'm not working Thanksgiving or the day after since I have tickets to see Wicked on Friday (squee!) So I couldn't exactly say no.

Even though we had extra staffing it was still super insane, and I totally forgot the order comes in on Wednesdays too so I had 19 totes of drugs to sort and put away.

Anyways so I'm halfway through sorting through the drugs and I hear, "Well why do you think Carolyn is the way she is?"

So it got my attention and I asked, "Eh? Why are you guys talking about me?"

"Oh I was just telling Missy (Missy has known for a long time) why you are a lesbian."

"WHAT?! Haha. Please, enlighten me."

"Well because boys are... slow... and stupid."

"Then why do you date guys?"

"I don't know haha!"

hahah I nearly fell over laughing. Mostly because as soon as " are a lesbian" left her mouth, another coworker gave me this WHAT?! look. Oops. I guess she's one of the few that still had no idea. I think she was the last in the pharmacy, besides the random people that get sent to our store to cover.

My coworkers seem to be making a habit of outing me intentionally and not. It's kinda funny, and sometimes it worries me. This time was funny. heh.

And in random news, I am loving the new season of "Bones". Nothing like a sexy, nerdy forensic scientist to actually make me want to watch a show. Hehe. That, and the sheer science nerdiness makes it interesting for me to watch.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I haven't been this active in a while... on the blog and in my life haha. Had my one day off! Squee! I worked out, then showered so I wouldn't be all smelly from the gym to meet up with my friend. Then we headed off to the range. On the way, I did my whole "gun safety" lesson because last thing I want is someone to lose a thumb. Some guy brought his gf to the range and she actually cut her thumb because he didn't bother to tell her about the slide. Psh. So while he was at the line I pulled her aside and explained the proper way to hold the gun so she wouldn't get cut again. Tisk tisk.

My friend did very well! She got a few in the center. It was amusing because when we first got there, a guy two lanes down started firing off rounds and scared the crap out of her. So next thing I knew I had someone cowering and leaning into me. LOL Like that was going to help if someone was shooting at us. It was funny. I have a few videos of her firing off a few rounds, but my dumbass forgot to charge my camera >.<

Then we had dinner. Yummy. Went back to my house to play with the pup. (bawww, he's laying next to me and he just farted big time. hahaha. I'm sure ya'll wanted to know that)

Then we went to get massages. Yessss. That felt sooo good. I fell asleep during mine.

I need to work out more. I always feel so much better after hitting the gym. I'm just too lazy to go most of the time haha.

Last story, so the shooting range I go to gave me my membership card and we were like... o.O umm there is an entire letter missing from my last name and the vowels are switched. As long as ya'll don't give me trouble I don't really care that my membership card reads some weird last name, but wtf? haha It's not even close!

Monday, November 24, 2008


I didn't have such a fun day at work. In fact my friend actually called me the grim reaper when I came back from break. I didn't kill anyone, I was just dressed in black (it's suddenly cold and the shirt is long sleeved and that's why I wore it haha) but I had this look of "I hate this place" on my face. It was funny though so I had to laugh.

Anyways, things are better between Missy and I. I think we are both stubborn people peeved at the world and each other. Who knows.

Ok so Yay friends! <3333

My friend T and I were waiting for out friends to meet us for dinner, what we didn't know was they already had a table and were waiting for us. T and I sat in the lounge for a good 30 minutes (no joke) before we all realized that we were waiting on each other. We tried calling, but no one answered and we kept commenting and wondering why they were so late haha.

Dinner was inappropriate good times all around. I am stuffed, I am happy from laughing for two straight hours. I got the hugs and <3 I needed after a really long few months. I completely forgot about T drunkenly rolling herself (literally) down the street at 6am and teaching each other inappropriate things in foriegn languages. It was fun to catch up with them again too. I am full of love right now haha.

Tomorrow, as promised, I'm going to take my friend S to the shooting range. I am like Ms. Gun Safety heh. I've taught a lot of my friends basic firearm safety, handling, and marksmanship. She's been wanting to go, so I figure why not? I haven't been to the range in a few months and I'm a bit rusty. I'm excited. I do not condone gun violence of any kind, except at paper targets and Yes on 8 signs.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My friends are back!!!!

Squeeeeee. (I seem to squee a lot.)

Thanksgiving means a paid day off, family time, AND NON-COWORKER FRIENDS!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my coworkers and all, but I miss my friends and life away from people at work. That and work is having a lot of drama lately, and I'm a no-drama type of girl.

*removed section cos I didn't like it. I was angry, it was a mean entry.*

Since I went to school out of state, most of my college friends live out there. All of my high school friends had either moved away to college or work by the time I came back. It was sad times. I left them first though to be fair haha. It's going to be great to see some of them again! A bunch of us are having dinner tomorrow night. I love our reunions. Nothing but good company and laughs all around. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends. They were the first people I came out to, and they still love me all the same and more. <3

Work is going to drag by so slow tomorrow. It's been dragging all week, but tomorrow it's going to feel like forever and a day. Yay for squishy hugs! I need one and tomorrow I'm going to get a bunch yay!

I need to make more friends cos I'm going to be very sad when they leave again. It doesn't help that all I do is go to school and work. Aside from that I am a total hermit nowadays. Hmm, I guess I better start going out a bit more. If only I wasn't so awkward with people.

Ohh and cute assistant manager (who will henceforth be known as CAM) was working today. I was out getting some dinner for our pharmacist since they can't leave and get no lunch on weekends and CAM was out cart collecting. Silly moment: she was pushing carts together so I stood in front of them to keep them from sliding off and she had to push pretty hard to get them to connect. In fact she pushed so hard (I had my back to her)the carts hit my butt so hard I had to take a step forward to keep myself balanced. So I turned and said "Wow, I feel kind of violated now." Good thing I wasn't facing her. Haha.

I also made a groin cream today. (Not for me! For a patient!) The only crappy part about making creams is that I really have to get all the cream out of the tubes and when you're wearing gloves it's kinda hard. That and people seriously stare at you when you're making any type of drug. I try not to look over cos I hate it when people stare. It was also my first solo cream compounding and I had to use the big scary Unguator. It's not so big and scary anymore, but I think I am more comfortable making suspensions for little kids. Mostly because that only involves using a mortar and pestle old school style, not some scary machine that makes loud noises haha.


Ok I have five minutes left to get ready before going to work, but I had to post this.

I got my PCAT scores back. I am such an idiot sometimes. Of course my parents still go through my mail, which is a huge annoyance cos I was searching high and low for mail the last few days and since I get off late on Fridays I can't get the mail. Anyways, so my dad comes down to my room at MIDNIGHT and hands me THE envelope.

I stare at it with disbelief and huge eyes, scared to death to open it. So I opened, already half asleep and exhausted from the day and week. Percentile scores, I was above the 80th percentile in everything except chemistry. I got a 89 in verbal, 81 percent in quantitative analysis (maths), 81 in reading comp, 80 in biology, and a 72 in chemistry. And 3's on both my essays. Overall I was in the 85th percentile. I think it was funny when it took me 5 minutes to realize composite meant overall (and I got an 89 in verbal how?) and squeed that I got above the 80th percentile.

Ok, WTF chemistry? I think it's because there was a lot of O-chem and I've always been terrible at that. And the bio? Come on, I was a biochem major! I know that's being hard on myself, these scores are fantastic (minus chem).

So now I have other stuff to freak out about. And now that I'm in some weird fight with my friend/coworker things are going to be interesting. Ugh. Why must some women be so crazy? Now I be late for work hahah.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Thanks, mom.

Awww for heart to hearts with my younger cousin. Well she's only 4 months younger than me, but still. We used to be really close when we were younger, but around high school we grew apart into two very different people. She was with the Asian crowd, and then some other crowd/basketball I don't recall. I was the band/softball/musical theatre crowd and we just became two very different people. She's very girly, and well, I'm not.

Our older cousin actually brought us closer together again. Mostly because we hang out with her together haha. We're planning a trip to NYC next year, just the three of us, should be fantastic. Maybe I'll finally come out to her. (I'm already out to my older cousin)

Anyways so she called me up today out of the blue (because she never calls me) and asked if I wanted to watch the Lakers game. I figure, why not? It's not really my thing, but I know she loves it and I should spend more time with her anyways. We didn't really watch the game as much as talk about our futures. Me and my sudden fear of pharmacy school, and she's been worried about not knowing what she wants to do with her life and her degree. I've had a lot of these talks with her before, reassuring her that taking the time now to figure out what she wants to do with her life rather than later would be beneficial. And reassuring her that money isn't everything.

We ended up talking about finances, stocks, 401k's, and careers instead of watching the game haha. We also talked about prop 8 and the presidential election (like I said I haven't seen her in months). It makes me happy that she opposed it, and stood up for it even though her dad was for it and like my mother, very adament that it gays are wrong, we are dumb kids, and that we should vote yes.

Speaking of solidarity, my sister in law saw my pictures from the rally on Saturday. I think she's happy that I've become less apathetic heh. She was telling me about dinner with my parents and how my mom leaned over to ask her how she voted on prop 8.

S: "So yeah, your mom leaned over and I was like oh shit. here it comes."
Mom: "So how did you vote on prop 8?"
S: "I voted no... But so did T (my bro) and Carolyn."

later to me: "Yeah sorry dude, I had to throw you and your brother under the bus too. I wasn't going to be singled out. But dude, your mom was just like yeah Carolyn doesn't know what she's talking about."

I busted up laughing. Ah, I love how my mom thinks I'm an idiot just because I have my own opinions.

I'm not out to my brother or sister yet, maybe some day soon. I love them dearly, but my brother has a big mouth, and my sister tells him almost everything haha. I'm excited, by this time next year I may be an Aunt!!! Squee!!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Before I start, the CA Supreme court has agreed to review if prop 8 is constitutional or unconstitutional! I really hope they do agree that it's unconstitutional to have an amendment that eliminates the rights of a minority. I still can't believe proponents of prop 8 see nothing wrong with "eliminating the rights" of any group of people.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Ok, so we have a new assistant manager for the front store. I'm sad because I miss our old AM. He was awesome and now that he's gone I have to drag totes of drugs from the stockroom to the pharmacy and vial boxes etc by myself. Usually the guys do it for me, but since we're down two managers they call me to do it. I make the worst first impression I swear. I think I'm one of those people that grow on you. You're wary (or don't even like me) at first, then you just realize I'm just crazy and silly and learn to love it. I think it's because I can have a strong personality.

Anyways, so my first impression of our new trainee AM? I thought she was a new tech. I made a face and looked at my friend and go "Dude, who's the new tech?" My friend laughs and says tells me that's the new AM. D'oh. It's not my fault her sweater makes her look like she works in the pharmacy. It doesn't help that I can't remember people's names for the life of me. I <3 name tags.

Well a few weeks have passed I've gotten to know her. She pretty funny, and I seem to always make an ass out of myself around her. Then I kinda realize after I made yet another strange face at her... oh shit. I think I have a crush on her. SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT! Will this stop me from making an ass out of myself? Totally doubt it. If anything I'll act more like an idiot around her. I'm such a putz around people I like. Blargh.

I never had a problem with being attracted to anyone I've worked with in the past 18 months, and I've worked at a lot of stores. I think it's because most pharmacy people are Asian, and for some reason I'm not really attracted to Asians. The rest of them were men so no problem there.

=( She's management! And I think she's straight, although anyone who tells me they used to play softball makes me think otherwise. haha.

I can't help it. This is not good. Maybe I'll just get it all out of my system here. You may want to stop reading now hehe.

She's definitely the type of person I'd be attracted to. She's cute, giggles a lot, laughs at my really stupid jokes, funny, and is easily frightened when I sneak up on her. Yes, I sneak up on people for fun. I told you I'm an ass! She makes the cutest noise when I dash by her in an aisle and go "Boo!". Then when I really do need her help she'll respond with "Oh, so now you need my help huh?" Of course all I do is grin stupidly back.

And of course if I have nothing to say, I'll make a face at her and then I'll have the biggest dorky smile on my face. And the smile she shoots back at me? So cute.

This can only end up badly. Hopefully this will be one of my couple weeks crushes and not the kind that happened with my straight best friend in college. I was in love with her for three years. Then I left and the feelings faded, then I went back for a visit and fell in love all over again.

What is it with me and straight women?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Bilingual Pups

Ever since my baby was a pup I always spoken to him in two languages. Vietnamese and English. Mostly because my parents will speak to him in Vietnamese. Bilingual people can be fun, but bilingual dogs are just awesome.

It's so cute. When I say "Let's go" in Vietnamese and he perks right up and goes running towards the door. You say "Let's go..." he'll perk up, but if you finish with "Take a bath." Good luck trying to catch him. I just chased him around the house for a good 5 minutes yelling "Bath time!" in Vietnamese for fun. I know. I'm such a mean mom, but it's so funny to watch him run away.

Come to think of it... it is bath time for him. Drats. I'll have to catch him off guard later. He hates his own bath, but if I'm in the shower and he's pushed his way through the door he'll try ande jump in the shower with me. What a silly puppy.

And random question, have any of you heard about the December 10 No gays for a day? Besides NaTD, because you sent me that thing on FB. Are you coming home for Christmas? I'm sure your mom wouldn't be too happy if you weren't hehe.

I thought about it, but I can't really do that to my coworkers. As much as I'd love to take a day off, especailly for this, they've always been supportive and the only people that will feel the backlash would be them. Our patients would just yell at them more for being slow and they wouldn't be too happy with me after that. Anyt thoughts?

Blargh, migraine. I'm going to go to bed before midnight tonight hopefully.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Maybe I've been retreating into books again, maybe a bit too much. Granted locking myself up alone for two days and reading three books isn't as bad as the time I read five in three days. Every once in a while people become too much for me. It's not that I don't love my friends or family, I just need time to myself. Time to step back away from everyone. I just get overwhelmed having to communicate with people all day and then sometimes force myself to go out and have a good time. I swear I can be a little hermit.

It's not that once I force myself to go out I have a crappy time. Quite the opposite really, I usually end up having a great time. So why is it so hard for me to drag myself out? I've just been thinking too much I suppose. Another good reason I should never be left alone with my thoughts.

It's so conflicting when I feel like I want to belong somewhere, but I never quite fit. When I want to be around people, yet just want to be left alone at the same time. I remember my first day moving 1000 miles away to go to school. I remember meeting my RA who turned out to be one of my best friends for the next four years. During those four years I found myself in a way, or I guess more accurately, accept myself for who I was.

I think being back home becomes overwhelming at times. I still feel like I have to hide who I am, yet at work and with friends I am proud and out. There's still that part of me that dreads the day I have to tell my parents. My pharmacist keeps asking when I'm going to tell them, and all I can say is "No no no no, no way, not yet." And as confused as they are when I seem to do backflips into the closet, I don't think they quite understand why it's so hard for me.

I am the first generation of my family to be born in the U.S. My parents are very traditional and very strict Asians. Especially my mom. Growing up, I blindly accepted their way of thinking because that's how you see the world when you're a kid. I didn't understand the word gay until my mom saw Ellen DeGeneres on TV and commented on what a horrible person she was and that she was "sick". So I grew up thinking it was terrible and wrong. High school came and I broke free from their way of thinking. I read, I learned, I absorbed. I joined the marching band, jazz band, wind ensemble, orchestra, swam, played softball, just to get away. Just to get out.

Then college applications came around, and I can't quite remember what drove me to this decision, but I narrowed it down to Northern CA, Colorado, or Boston. I think a big part was I hated the heat haha. So off I ran into Colorado, where there were four seasons, and skiing! But that's a long story for another day.

It's not that I don't want to tell them. I think it's the fear that holds me back the most. Hearing my mom's reaction to prop 8 and how much she hated gays, really broke my heart. My family is such a big part of my life. I guess it doesn't sound like that from this entry but they are. I love my cousins, and I love my family, and it'd break my heart to lose them. A few of my cousins know and still love me all the same, but I think we're still concerned about how our parents will react.

It sucks, because my aunts push me as a role model. I know some of my cousins look up to me. I'm the one that loves to take them out and we go out for "cousin dinners" and movies. I know they love me, but it doesn't scare the shit out of me at the thought of losing such a big part of my life. I'm just not ready for that yet. I notice a few of them saying that things are 'gay' and they are starting to get the "being gay is wrong" vibe and I try and steer the younger ones clear of that. The ones that are 16 and up are out there protesting with me. heh.

The thing is I can't lie to my cousins. I don't know what I'd say if they asked. Would I be silent? Would I laugh it off? Would I tell them? I guess it's lucky they probably won't ever ask. Heh.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

CA Protest Summary

Ok, so there were raging fires all over southern California, we were still out in the heat and smoke protesting our hearts out. Well the fires weren't that close to us, but we could definitely see the smoke. It was so hot, I actually got a noticeable tan line.

It was so wonderful to see so many people in the little republican area of Orange County turn out to voice their anger over Prop 8. There was another protest going on about 15 minutes from us, so we were a bit split and afterwards some even went to the other event.

Chants included, "Gay, Straight, Black, White, Marriage is a civil right!" "Hey hey, Ho ho, Prop 8 has got to go!" "What do we want?" Civil rights! "When do we want them?" NOW!

Even though I got the day off I ended up having to go into work since the fires shut down the 91 freeway and our closer couldn't get to work. I went in for a few hours since it was insane in there and I couldn't say no to their plea for help. So no second protest for me =(

I met a few awesome people though. I also met this very cute woman. She had no sign, just a t-shirt she made. It was a pretty awesome shirt though. We talked for a bit and she had such a gorgeous smile. When we parted ways she said she'd probably see me at another one of these events. Well I sure hope there's one soon, and I really hope she's right heh.

Video from the protest can be found here:

Click for video

If the honking drives you mad, I'd fast forward to the end, I added a few cute pictures. I couldn't find music to go with the video though =(

Sorry about the crappy blog I am tired

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Random Story...

So our system "upgrade" turns out as it usually does, a severe system crash where the pharmacy is completely paralyzed and all we can really do is ring people up for scripts that were finished before said system crash. So we're getting calls from corporate about how our system is doing and we're going to be in "central mode" for a while. Which is their code for you're going to be standing around doing nothing for a while. At least in store mode I can check my work que and fill/type? In central mode I can't do diddly squat. And the upgrade improved what? Nothing that I noticed. It just seems to crash more.

Anyways so after our systems are back up and running, we need to reboot all 6 computers, the "robot", sign onto everything again, and then prepare the hell that is unleashed from a mornings unproductiveness. Thank goodness I got the warehouse order finished before we crashed or else I would have been faced with my manager yelling "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THE ORDER?!!!11!one" For the next week.

Ahem sorry, onto the funny story.

So this lady comes in to give me the script for her kids. I do my usual "Ok, what's the date of birth?"

Her "zero nine zero two one one"

Me *blinks* "..... sorry what was the year?"

Her "one one"

Me *confused* ".......... one one?"

Ger "Yes. September two two thousand and one"

Right that's so the same thing... but I kept my mouth shut and processed the script.

I was so freakin confused I was like you have a child born in 1911? Cos last I checked it's not 2011 yet... So unless you're getting meds filled for your unborn child I'm confused. Seriously though... I thought I was just going deaf.

So tired must sleep. I was in a comfy caccoon for all of three hours before my alarm woke up up at 550 am. I was so well rolled up I couldn't get out for a few minutes. It was so warm I didn't want to leave! So I ended up being late by like 15 minutes. Rawr, mostly cos I'm rarely late for an opening shift. At least it was only 15 minutes and not an hour like some haha.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I love my dog

Even though he snores, manages to push me off my large bed even though he's a tiny pup, steals all the covers and sometimes goes a little bonkers he is my baby and I love him.

So he is super dog now. The power went off in my house and my alarm of course is blinking some absurd number. Well I'm not sure what drove him crazy this morning but he is barking like there's no tomorrow and I figured he needed to go pee, but the door is open in my room. Odd. So I get up and say shhhh go outside and bark! Cos I'm soooo thinking clearly groggy and half awake. (I was up late talking to a friend from Japan on skype.)

Well I look to see what time it is and it's 10am. Then I realize that my alarm clock is blinking, should trigger some alarms right? Wrong, I turn to go back to bed because I'm like eh, who cares what time it is I don't work today. Just as my head hits the pillow I roll myself out of bed and onto the floor (you are free to laugh), and go SHIT! I work today! BLARGGHHH! Why did I say I'd cover for her?!

The best part in all this is he woke me up right when I needed to wake up for my shift! Well not really, cos as my friends pointed out, he'd rock if he didn't wake me up for work at all haha.

Anyways, so I get into work and I forgot we had an audit today. Argh, I hate pharmacy audits. They're a pain in the butt, but this time we had a really cute blonde auditor, not the middle aged smelly man auditor. The best part is her name is totally my fake name that I give to people I don't care for haha. I know I'm a horrible person. So as soon as I walk in, the pharmacist is joyful and says give them to Carolyn!

.... eh? *sigh* ok... I'll go rx hunting. Then when I finally finish everything, the order comes in. So I am off to sort drugs for an hour haha. Fun day eh? Then they changed our work flow and we're all pissed because it makes no sense. I doubt we'll follow it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Now, I will be the first to raise their hand to admit they know very little about what really lies within the covers of the holy bible. I will never lie and pretend that I understand it, or that I've studied it.

So once again the topic of religion and prop 8 falls into work. I just brush it off because I'm still peeved, but I quietly slip in the fact that if one more person quotes their bible to condemn me I will smack them in the face with my personal bible, Biochemistry by Voet and Voet.


The yelling continues for another few minutes and I sit and giggle to myself for a bit that she was really furious about the use of the bible to hate on gay people. Patients are staring, I have no idea what to say, so we all just sit and listen as our pharmacist raves on about how silly all of this is.

I love the people I work with, they love me, and now I feel bad for letting them down. Boo.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Fall and Winter

I'm always the odd one out. I love the fall and winter, and I love the cold.

Whenever the fall and winter rolls around I begin to miss Colorado. I remember my first semester in Colorado. I was completely alone in a new place a thousand miles away from home, and I was loving it. I found myself a second home that I fell in love with almost instantly. As the days got colder, the leaves began changing colors, and it was gorgeous. Keep in mind, I come from a place that consists of Spring Spring Summer Summer. After rehearsals, my friends and I would set our trumpets next to one of the tall oak trees, pile the leaves 3 feet high and just jump into them like we were a bunch of kids. We spent hours picking leaves out of our hair though afterwards. I loved the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet and the wonderful smell of trees. I still smile remembering how funny rehearsals were as the days got darker and we resorted to cell phones and glow sticks to locate our drum majors near the end of rehearsal. I remember huddling up at the end of rehearsals to sing out alma mater together. I remember the tickle wars Sarah, Claire, and I would have during our breaks.

As winter drew near, rehearsals were a bit grueling, and got a bit dangerous as 250 people were out on a snowy icy field doing pivots and freezing. Our band turned into 250 giant marshmallows heehee. We would have accidents, but still got right back up and kept on trudging along. I miss my band even more than I miss the weather. Sometimes I deeply regret only being a part of it for two years, but science slowly took over my life. The course load didn't really allow for anything besides class, labs, and studying.

I remember the first snowfall. The two Californians rushed out of the dorms like there was no tomorrow giggling with glee as all the Coloradoans laughed and shook their heads. I remember making our first snow people and snow angels, and I definitely remember the uncomfortable feeling of accidentally getting snow down your pants. I remember taking weekend trips down to the mountains to ski for the weekend.

I remember days when it was just "too cold" to leave our rooms and we opted to cuddle in our beds to watch movies and hang out instead.

Then four years just flew by in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it I was giving my thesis presentation and standing on stage as my name was called to accept my casing for my diploma. The fear of tripping and falling on my face weighing heavily on my mind. "Why did I let Kate convince me to wear heels? Don't trip! Don't trip! Stop, shake hands, smile for the picture, don't trip don't trip. Oh thank god, I made it!" The most memorable part of walking across that stage was making it to the end and being given a huge hug by my department chair. A man I once feared who became my mentor and inspiration.

In writing this, I am reminded that I miss Colorado because I miss my school. I miss my professors and classmates. I miss sitting in our lab at 2 am writing our thesis with 25 hours left until the deadline, and how a few glared as I told them I was done with my final edit. Our graduating class was 27 people. Most people switched to major in biology once they discovered that we had to write a thesis. I miss my professors who fueled my passion for learning and my love for biochemistry. I miss the people I ended up getting to know so well since we spent nearly all of our time in class together. I still get a few notes here and there from old classmates, and we always end up saying "I never thought I'd miss being stuck in our lab doing homework all day". I think it was because we didn't so much do homework as hang out and talk about random things, and sometimes even biochemistry.

I think I need to plan a winter vacation back to my second home.

No I'm not giving up!

I seem to be extra angry today. I better check my calander. Caution, angry post below. Parentel advisory suggested due to adult content and language (haha).

Do people really think we're just going to roll over and say, oh well, I guess since you don't want to give us rights then we'll just suck it up and take it. Are you fucking kidding me? Do people actually think that it'll be over just like that? Give up something that's obviously important to us just because we lost this one fight?

Life isn't easy. No matter who you are, unless you're one big fucking idiot that's oblivious to everything going around in the world and you snort prozac (or crack) four times daily for fun. You better fucking believe we're going to fight it, and fight it until we win.

Honestly, the next person who says that "it's over and you should just get over it", I'm going to excommunicate them faster from my life than a gay mormon from the church of LDS. Or an Amish deciding they want to leave the Amish way of life. Whatever.

Soon we're going to look back on this election and think, wow these people were just a bunch of ignorant idiots. What were they thinking? The nation was watching CA and 52% of you blew it big time. So much for being a progressive state. I guess some people just buy into scare tactics easily and would rather be told how to think than actually think for themselves. Well I like to think for myself, so watch out bitches.
By the way, the next person who cites me how gay marriage is wrong 'cos the bible said so' is going to be smacked in the face by my 1,616 page Biochemistry textbook (Biochemistry by Voet and Voet, best text ever). Yeah, 8 lbs of pure science holiness IN YOUR FUCKING FACE. That book weighs more than two chihauhaus. WE DO NOT LIVE IN A THEOCRACY. This country was not founded for only one faith or belief. The United States of America was founded FOR RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. So get your bible and your beliefs out of my face before I shove mine in yours. And remember, my book is much bigger and full of scary science. And it does not come in a tiny handy dandy travel sized pocket book. (Although it is also sold in two separate volumes. I am a hardcore biochemist and bought it in one haha) This thing is massive.

I think what really disgusts me is that "Eliminates Right" was printed on that ballot, and people still thought it was a good thing to vote for just because it had to do with gay people.

I'm going to steal some of those yes on 8 signs if they are still near my work and take them to the goddamn shooting range and shoot a giant NO through the yes.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Oh now you've just gone and made me angry.

I came to work today in an actual good mood, minus the sleepily tripping over a stool and knocking over an entire shelf of 'L' medications. My patients weren't rude, which is a miracle, I was doing fine. It was busy, and I was with 'the guys', except the guys are starting to really get on my nerves. I think I just stress myself out by trying to do everything because they can't seem to handle their one job. Maybe my standards are too high, maybe it's both. Ha.

I talked to my assistant manager briefly today on the phone. Her first words were "I'm so sorry about prop 8!" As horrible as it is, and that it made Obama's victory bittersweet for me and many others, it's not a defeat I'm willing to accept. Just because prop 8 passed by less than 4% doesn't mean I'm going to stop fighting for what's right.

It's true, I'm not going to stop fighting, because accepting defeat is not an option. Especially not something this important. If interracial marriages were still illegal, my brother would not be married to my wonderful sister in law. Prop 8 passing just fuels my drive to fight it. Discrimination is never an easy fight to win, and it's one I'm willing to fight for until it's won.

What is unacceptable is someone who considers themselves my friend would actually say "Get over it, it's over." She had the audacity to tell me that I should just accept something this ridiculous? That is unacceptable. Just because we lost this fight doesn't mean I'm going to roll over and stop fighting for what I believe is right. As harsh as this sounds, I'm glad I never truly considered her a friend. My friends wouldn't support something that would take away anyone's rights.

Yeah, now you've got me angry. Let's go. I'm ready to fight because I'm not going down quietly. 8 years ago prop 22 passed by a 31% margin. This year it was less than 4%.

No one will ever tell me who I can or can't love. Go to hell if you can think you can say who I can or cannot marry.

And while we're on anger, directed at a few certain people, don't you ever fucking dare tell me what to do. (Unrelated to the above topic) My life is my business. I will not drop whatever I'm doing every time you want me to do something. Don't you dare fucking get in my face and ask me what the hell I think I'm doing. I am doing my work. Some people may be used to getting what they want from me, but they better not think I won't stand up for myself. If I am busy doing my school work, I will not allow you to stand in my way. You hypocrite.

Oh and by the way, you hate gays right? Well you've got one. You lost any right to be a part of my life when you hated a part of who I am. I can't change for you or anyone else.

Yeah, I'm taking a stand. You gotta problem with that?

I also have an urge to yank those yes on 8 signs that are still up across the street from my work and take them to the shooting range to blast NO right through the yes. Is that terrible?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Precinct Madness.

I am so excited and glad that Obama won! He even won at my precinct!

Alright, so I got 2 hours of sleep last night and then worked the polls from 6am til 9pm. I was exhausted. It was hard to keep my mouth shut and staying neutral about everything, so I pretty much limited myself to talking to people.

"Last name please? First name? Sign here, print your address here, ok step over here and she'll finish processing you"

We had 80 provisional voters that day. The only difference is that they double check to make sure you didn't vote twice because you either belonged to a different precinct or were marked as a vote by mail ballot and didn't bring the ballot to surrender. The only person who flipped out on us was this guy everyone refers to as "the dick" because he was that big of an asshole. We only spoke to him for five minutes too. Oh well, apparently he was giving some kids who were "no on 8" a hard time, so I don't feel too bad anymore haha.

I was at an elementary school, so teachers would bring some of their students in to just watch. There wasn't much to see haha. Just processing, and watching people stand in booths. They were adorable though and sported the "I voted stickers".

The people I was working with were awesome. My sister in law of course, was our fearless leader, aka inspector. Everything went pretty smoothly. I am just exhausted.

Prop 8 passed by EIGHT ELECTRONIC BALLOTS. So I guess we just have to wait and see on the paper and provisionals.

I guess I just have to wait until tomorrow morning for official news. This is a really close race. It wouldn't surprise me if the margin was 1% or 2%

My dad ending up voting no on 8. That made me really happy. Gives me hope =)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My First Political Rally

First off, I encourage everyone to go out and vote!!! Don't take your right to vote for granted. Get out there and make a difference. If you don't, I don't want to hear you bitching for the next 4 years about the outcome. =P

Ok, so all the entries so far have centered around being gay etc. This is not all I talk about I promise, it's just the election and the current insanity going around that is causing me to think mostly about this.

I went to a No on 8 rally today. It was so freaking amazing. I got my cousin to come along and I used her signs. There were so many of us. A few people were older, but most protesting were around my age and some were too young to even vote. It was at one of the busiest intersections in my city, and I completely forgot it was also one that is most widely used by my family.

So my cousin and 40 to 50 others spread about the four corners of the large intersection shouting and waving signs. Within the first 10 minutes I was spotted by no one other than my best friend's gay brother! I heard my name being shouted from a car and was frightened then we played the pointing and shouting game. Turns out they know my little cousin and his friend was pointing at her and I was pointing at him and we all confused each other haha.

About 90 minutes later I hear my name again. And who else, but one of my uncles. My parents also told me later that they saw me. (oops I told them I was going to class!) I'm sure my mom shook her head in disapproval, but I didn't care. I shouted and waved the sign proudly.

We got pretty silly after a while. People who shook their heads, or tried to ignore us in what I deemed "The awkward zone" either honked or avoided our stares and shouts. Mostly because the light was red and they were stuck with us heehee. Things got a little heated with four yes on 8ers who tried to take us on. It was pretty funny.

What really steamed me was right in the middle of my rally someone from the yes on 8 people called me again. Are you for serious? Three times??? Three freaking times? Don't they have other people to bother?

You'd think they'd stop calling. Nope.

Second time: Yes. I know about it. I already voted early and I VOTED NO.
You'd think they would really get the message then. Nope.

Third time: WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME??? Want to know what I'm doing right now? WHAT ARE WE DOING RIGHT NOW GUYS?
Crowd starts chanting NO ON 8! NO ON 8!!!!!

And then one of the women threatened the girl with harassment if they ever call my number again. To which I responded AND I'LL USE THE MONEY TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR ALL THE GAY MARRIAGES IN CA LEGAL OR NOT!!!

Silliest moment of the rally:
So one of the signs I was handed said No on 8! on the front and
On the back.

So every time a yes on 8er stood next to me I flipped the sign around. We all laughed and giggled. They had another group down the street they should have flocked there =P I can't wait for my friends picture.

I'm so glad I went to the rally. I had such an amazing time. I don't care if my mom is pissed and is mad at me for supporting something (and a group of people) that she despises so much. Well she's in for one big surprise. When my dad told me I just simply told him I was just doing what I believed was right.

One more bit of silliness. I was talking to one of my friends about the rally and working the polls tomorrow. She made me laugh. "OMG. How do you go to school, work, stay updated on all this political stuff, go to rallies, and even volunteer at the polls?"

"Didn't you know? Being gay gives you super powers."
"OMG you're right! Everyone I know who is gay is awesome and has super powers. Makes me wish I was gay!"

And with that I hope you all have an awesome day.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

WTF? Are we in Nazi Germany in the 1940s right now?

So I had to work this morning and I went to get my morning coffee. I pass by a McDonalds drive thru and someone had taped this to one of their signs:

"Straights only."

I was appalled. Not only do I have to see 7 yes on 8 signs every day on my 10 minute drive to work, I can't even get my coffee in peace?

Why all the hate? I think people just need a group of people to dislike to give them purpose. One of my coworkers stole a few yes on 8 signs. I was amused. The only minor at our store and she's the one stealing signs. What makes me more amused is she didn't even know voting is this Tuesday. Her excuse was she's not old enough to vote yet haha.

I just can't wait for November 5 because I am really sick of all this.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Being Open

"Hey, how do you feel about that prop 8 thing?" - my one of my assistant managers

I stare at him blankly and start laughing at him. The reason I laugh is because we were all out drinking last month and we were making a lot of gay jokes. And I was slightly tipsy by this time and I just said "Look, there's only one big homo at this table."

He just stared at me seriously and asked "who?!"

*points at self* Me!

He was apparently shocked and the rest of our table started laughing because we all thought he knew since nearly everyone at work knew. Not a big secret. When new people ask if I have a boyfriend one of my coworkers will always start laughing really hard. I will look at them and smirk, and the poor newbie has no idea what's going on.

I felt slightly bad for the new guy at work, mostly because I haven't really worked with him and he was doing his stuff and I was joking around with "my intern" and my other guys. I just don't even think about whether the people at work know if I'm gay or not. I just now assume they all know haha. I think he was unsure on how to approach me after the numerous things we were talking about that left pretty much no doubt in his mind that I was. I think talking about ex-girlfriends is a pretty dead giveaway no?

He seems fine with it, not like he has a choice if he isn't. heh. I like his philosophy on the presidential election. "I vote for whoever is smarter than me. Or at least smarter than their opponent." Which of course would be the person who graduated Magna Cum Luade from Harvard for his JD. Not someone who graduated 5th from the bottom of their military class.

Bed time.. work again tomorrow =(