Procrastination

Ah, procrastination brings me back here yet again.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Unfortunately it's rarely about school unless I'm having anxiety over my courses. Most of it is about my ex, which is really no surprise. As much as I still love her, I know I can't get back together with her, no matter how much she pushes. I just can't forget what's been done. I just wish I still wasn't so in love with her. It's thrown a wrench in a lot of my school work. I've lost so much focus, and it's driving me crazy!

I was on a weekend trip for a school org (I know, I'm a super nerd). Let me tell you, the number of queers that belong to this organization blew my mind in the best possible way. My gaydar was going off in all directions! I was getting hit on a lot, which is unusual. At the bars one woman dominated/demanded my attention. I had way too much to drink and before I knew it she was kissing me on the dance floor. She was really attractive, funny, and I was enjoying her company, but as soon as she kissed me alarms went off in my head.

It drives me crazy that another woman kissing me is making me feel like I'm cheating, when I'm single. We danced most of the night, she kissed me several times and then some. When we got back to the hotel she asked me what I wanted to do. Shit. I pretty much ran away. 1) I don't sleep with someone I just meet 2) I was still freaking out in my head a little.

I hope this goes away soon.