Sunday, December 4, 2011

Love and Acceptance

You know what I've found since moving to this new place over a year ago? More love and acceptance than I could have ever dreamed of. It's not that I didn't feel that way when I was home, but there I felt like I had to keep a part of myself a secret from my family.

My 'family' here has been nothing but loving. I don't have to be afraid to be who I am and never have to doubt how they feel about me. Or perhaps they are nice to me because they need my help with school. It feels so good to be open and free to be who I am. My sister in law recently told me how proud she was of me, not just for how well I am doing academically, but also how happy I've been. I guess it's true. I feel accepted and loved unconditionally here. Back home I felt trapped because telling my parents I'm gay would mean rejection and untold terrors. I know how they will react- I know their views on homosexuality and I know how set they are in their ways. I know it'll one day get better after I tell them, but the pain and hurt is not something I can handle right now.

I really want to tell my sister and I know she and my brother will handle it well. I just can't trust that my brother will keep the secret for me. I am probably happier than I ever thought I could be. Being gay doesn't define who I am as a person. I am still the person everyone sees and knows. Who I fall in love with may not be traditional, but it's not something I can change so it's not something worth putting effort into trying to change.

There was a time I hated myself. I hated who I was, I hated myself for being gay. It was no way to live. I isolated myself, I let my emotions and hurt get out of control. I am glad that is no longer the case and it made me a stronger person today.

I love who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope one day my parents will, too.

I hope that one day kids aren't bullied for being different or being gay. I don't want my children growing up in so much hate.

1 comment:

Brahmin in Boston said...

Wonderful post! I wrote something similar in last post (which was not a book related post).

It makes a whole lot of difference when you know that no matter what, you are accepted and loved. I know that my kids won't have to worry and fear like I did from my parents.

So glad for you!