Saturday, March 24, 2012

Starting over?

"Can we start over?"

A few weeks ago I woke up one morning to an email from my ex entitled just that. I thought I was still asleep, surely she wasn't really going to try this again? It had been months since I last heard from her and our last words were not kind words.

I haven't opened it yet. It is sitting in my inbox and I am wondering if this is a path I want to venture down. I fought so hard to remove her from my life because it hurt too much to keep her in it. All the pleading, phone calls, and texts she had sent me came flooding back. How could I keep her in my life when I wanted to hate her?

All the anger has subsided, I've moved on with my life. A small part of me does still wonder if one day we will find our way back to each other. This email threw me though. I want to talk to my friends about it, but I am scared that they'll just look at my disapprovingly that I will even consider reading what she has to say. I guess I really should be studying for my barrage of exams instead of worrying about this.

It's nice though, that the email didn't draw more emotion from me other than a bit of confusion and apathy. I think I'm more worried about whether or not I'm ready to read what may be in this letter.

Maybe next week!


Brahmin in Boston said...

Exes always have that bitter-sweet spot in our hearts, don't they?

I think you should read it. I have found out that people in your real life sometimes can't look past the hurt you have gone through. So they might not be the right persons to listen to - sometimes...

If all the email had managed to do was cause confusion, then I would say that you are in a safe place to read it. I would say keep an open mind. Yes, I know it is hard to trust her again after what you have been through. If you end up together, and that is a big IF, then make her work for it :)

You know I am here for ya! XX

Erin said...

I read it... and things are going surprisingly well. She's surprisingly respecting my boundaries. It's actually kind of nice having her in my life again as a friend.