Monday, October 27, 2008

Hello I'm Awkward, nice to meet you.

Here a blog, there a blog. I wonder how many of these I've started and stopped over the past 8 years. My LJ still exists though, so I suppose that says something. I wanted something new though. Something untouched. Is that weird?

Running is good. Running makes me feel good. Yet I don't do it as often as I should. I'd run around the neighborhood, but with my coordination I'd probably be hit by a car. I'm surprised I manage not to jump or fall off the ellipticals at the gym.

I am so awkward around new people. It makes me feel so out of place when I'm with someone new. It's a wonder I ever adjusted to moving 1000 miles away to college, or readjusted to find myself back here four years later. I always feel different, I never feel like I am myself around new people. That's so frustrating. Even with this new blog I feel a sense of awkwardness. Is that sad? It's a bit ironic that I started this because I wanted something new.

I really should be writing my personal statement for pharmacy schools instead of this. I mean my first deadlines are in a week. I was supposed to have submitted my applications two months ago.

It's odd, I feel like I know myself more and I've accepted myself more now than in the past, yet it still feels like it gets in the way. Most people know I'm gay. My coworkers all figured it out on their own. Sadly, it was the talk of the pharmacy, before they found the "interoffice" romance to gossip about. I was also too thick to realize they thought she and I were dating. It's funny though, most people mistake her as a lesbian because she has short hair, and I'm just her straight friend (or lesbian by association). It's a fun surprise for all when I turn out to be the gay one and that she's completely straight. She's a good sport though and we play along just to confuse people.

I suppose I should get moving on that personal statement.


sheA said...

pharmacy school- very cool-good deal, now get to work on that statement

smalls said...

hum.....Nice to meet you~~~I guess...I'm shy at first as well...I go by the name of smalls long story I'm a following lol sounds funny of shea we have a long history you could say...I was checking out her sit and say you title and felt and home...I'm always lost so I felt at home......No blog thought my life in a blog all on to it's self to scarey to write about...wish you well....hit one out of the park.......

Carolyn said...

Shea- Thanks! Working on it...

Smalls- hi! =) I'm lost all the time as well.. that might have something to do with the Asian stereotype haha. Shea is awesome