Changes

Life brings a lot of changes. Some changes are quick and noticeable, and sometimes it's slow and subtle. I find that I change a lot every year and always for the better. Maybe it's because I grow up more and more every year.

This past year was pretty intense. I got into pharmacy school. I met a woman that changed my life. I met people that changed my life. And now, everything is changing again. I'm almost done with my first year of pharmacy school. I've succeeded beyond my own expectations. It's amazing actually, how well I've adjusted, how well I've done. I worked hard and it really paid off.

Then there's the woman that changed my life. She made me fall in love with her over and over again, no matter how many times I tried to let go. Why? Because I was afraid of getting hurt. She has this amazing ability to change my perspective on life. I don't think I ever thought I could love someone this way. When she asked me to marry her I was in shock and disbelief. This absolutely smart, gorgeous, funny, kind woman wanted to spend her life with me. She must be crazy. But I said yes. I didn't have time to post about this before because my life was literally turned upside down and traveling at the speed of light.

Then just as quickly as it happened, she is breaking my heart. Suddenly things have changed between us yet again. The woman that once would tell me anything and everything suddenly went silent. I was talking to a stranger, yet she accused me of being the stranger. I feel so lost and confused. What happened to her vision of our future? One that I finally let myself imagine along with her.

Things change in an instant, or so they seem. Maybe it was something that was slowly changing right before our eyes, but we realized it much too late. It hurts.

Life isn't without its ups and downs. I feel lucky to have loved her, even if it has left a feeling of emptiness inside of me for now. I know one day I'll be able to look back on this and smile. It'll just be another one of those slow subtle changes that will take me by surprise yet again. I just wish it wouldn't leave such a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach.