Monday, September 12, 2011

Life and Death

As we grow older we learn and experience so many new things. We live, we learn, we gain new friends and lose others whether just in the shuffle of life or in death. I'm thankful for all the people I've had in my life whether I knew them for a night (not in the sexual way you dirty people) or I've known them my whole life. I've learned so much from the people in my life and it makes me smile knowing that even if just briefly, I had them in my life.

I'm writing today because I've lost a friend. It's not the first loss I've experienced and certainly will not be the last, but death is something no matter how many times you've gone through it, it never gets any easier. We weren't close, in fact she was a friend I met through my family. I considered her a friend because of the lasting impact she made on me on the few times we did meet. She had a great witty sarcastic outlook on life and always made me smile and laugh.

I was sad to learned that she had passed on, not even being aware that she was sick. She was a strong independent woman, so I'm not surprised I didn't know. The touching words friends have left for her truly show what a remarkable woman she was.

Death has taught me one of the most valuable things I always try to remember. You never know how much time you have with someone and it will never seem long enough. It has taught me to cherish the moments that I've shared with people I love. I keep those happy memories close and even if they fade with time, a reminder never fails to make me smile.

I was young when I experienced my first significant loss. It was the first time I understood the finality of death and how much it could weigh on you. To this day I remember certain parts of the funeral so vividly. I try to keep what little I remember, yet it seems so much harder with every passing year. For everyone I have lost I try to remember at least a few happy moments I was fortunate enough to share with them to keep their memory alive in my heart an in my mind.

Life seems so hectic now with classes, studies, and work. I feel overwhelmed and envious of friends that are getting married and having a family. I am probably closer with my friends that have children than those that don't because I adore children. I guess my friends are grateful because I'm their free babysitter, but I love it so much. They tease me that I'm ready to have kids and my terrified look always makes for a good laugh. I know I'll be ready some day, definitely after the insanity of school is over.

I know talking about babies and death in the same entry seems a bit odd, but for me it's inter-related. For me these two things continue to teach me more about life than any class could. I'm a lucky person, even though sometimes I do feel hopeless. These experiences help get me through the hopeless times to the hopeful times. And I truly hope this has given someone a new outlook on life and death. And I hopeTSD, who recently experienced a devastating loss is doing as well as she can be.


The Surprise Dyke said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm getting better, but the entire wake/funeral process was much harder than I anticipated. Hopefully I will have the words to post all the occurred soon.

Phathead said...

I understand what you're going through. One of my best friends died suddenly about two months before my son was born.

It's still something I struggle with at times, but it has changed my outlook on life. Makes you not take things for granted as much.

I suppose that's as much of a silver lining as you'll get.