Breaking up with my fiance earlier this year was quite possibly one of the hardest things I've had to do. It definitely tops off the list of reasons why I'm not so fond of 2011. I wish I could say I handled it gracefully. Sadly, I spent the first few months doing destructive things. My school work suffered, my friends were unsure of how to act around me. Friends mentioning her name made me tense up and shut down. I doubted my choice and wondered if I should give in to her pleas and get back together.
There were days where I all I wanted to do was be safe in her arms again. Days when I wondered if I could ever feel that way about someone again.
I'm not quite sure how I did it, but I stayed with my convictions. And today I was able to mention her in a conversation without it bringing me down. My friends tensed at the mention of her name, watching for my reaction and wondering what was going through my mind. It feels good to know I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. It feels good to know that I can mention her without the lingering feeling of bitterness and hurt.
It still hurts to think about, but I can slowly feel myself being able to let this go. It's not much of a start, but a start nonetheless. Still taking it one day at a time, but at least it's getting easier.