Insane or just plain stupid?

I am going to go with a little of both.

Today I have been up the entire night because of some serious back pain. I don't think I have a low pain threshold. I've rammed my knee snowboarding into a metal rail enough to cut and bruise it up, yet managed to be fine snowboarding on it for another 3 hours. It's just so hard to sleep when it feels like something is repeatedly punching you in the spine.

Yet, for half the night, even with the pain, all I could think of was how much I wanted to go snowboarding. You may be having the same thoughts as most do 'Are you stupid? You barely walk without pain, and you want to WHAT?' or as my boss so eloquently put it 'Oh please, promise me you will not snowboard. You're going to hurt yourself more.' and she also meant to add 'who else will work???'

I think the worst part is I'm reviewing my list of 'tricks' in my head while I lie in bed daydreaming of snowboarding to get my mind off the pain. I'm reviewing my 'technique' that I learned through trial and error on landing box rails and jumps. Trying to think of ways to improve my technique and try a 180, or if I can really manage it a 360. But the last time I tried a 90 degree spin to land on rail I literally fell backwards and hit my head, but that's what helmets are for... right? Really those turns are currently in the 'in your dreams' stage.

Last year I managed to become proficient in riding on my board down a mountain without falling face first. This was a huge feat considering for three days I was was only able to stand up just to fall on my face again every 5 inches. Somehow that progessed to 4 footer jumps, that progressed to box rails, and that somehow progressed to 10 footer jumps. I am pretty good at landing those now, though the approach to 10 footer always scares the bejebus out of me and I am terrified until I land.

I guess a part of me just doesn't want to accept defeat. I don't want this to keep me from doing what I want, or want I love. We shall see. I can gaurantee you that my dumb ass will be standing at the top of a hill soon. Whether or not I may end up hurting myself further I guess is the question. Maybe I'll keep of the tricks and ride for the sake of riding and just enjoy that feeling of flying down a mountain.

Rar. But I can do that even better on skis. The tricks are what really made me fall in love with boarding. This is going to be a sad season if I don't get better soon. Boo.

I've gotten complaints from my cousin that I don't ski anymore. That I'm a 'traitor' (haha), but skiing doesn't offer the challenge it once did, that snowboarding now does. And of course my friends that snowboard are thrilled I've finally 'seen the light'. What does it matter. I can do both in the same day if I wanted.