Farewell and some quick APPE tips

As my final year in pharmacy school nears its end, I feel like it's time to say goodbye. This blog has seen me through a lot, from applications, to acceptance, and through many significant moments of my life. However, the timing feels right to close it now.


I'm happy, and very nervous to say I will be starting my PGY-1 residency this summer. Although it feels like something I've wanted and work so hard for these past four years, the prospect of it beginning soon terrifies me. I'm happy and sad at the same time that I'll be staying close to this place I've called home the past four years for one more.


I grew as a person and as a student these last four years. I remembered how much I love to learn and how much I enjoy being challenged. I never thought I would fall in love with acute care, but I haven't enjoyed anything as much as the insanity of an acutely change environment.


I actually didn't expect to fall in love either. Between classes, exams, leadership, and work I really had no time to devote to other aspects of my life aside from enjoying the friendships I made in school. After my ex-fiancé broke my heart my first year in school, I really didn't expect it to happen again so soon. But She changed my life at the most unexpected time.


We found each other when I needed someone the most, even though I didn't know it at the time. I was lucky to have her in my life. I regret that our relationship ended the way it did, but I can't help but feel so fortunate to have known her and loved her. I wish I told her I loved her, but it's too late for that now I suppose. I still think of her every day and I hope she's happy.


We may not be cheering for our hockey team together this year... and it's probably silly, but I'm glad every time our time wins or her baseball team wins because I know it at least made her smile. I still feel the loss and some days are harder than others. Some days I regret I let my anxiety and fear about change and uncertainty strain our relationship. I hope we win this year and I hope some day we find our way back to each other, even if it's just as friends.


I learned and grew so much through this blog and to those that rode along with me, thank you. It's been an amazing journey. Good luck to all of you on yours.


-- edit--


I figure I should at least end with some useful advice on APPEs.


To those of you who want the most out of your APPEs here is what I've learned:


1) Always ask "Why?" and dig deeper. Why did we start that medication? Is it appropriate? Is the dose, route, frequency, and/or duration correct or appropriate?


One of the biggest challenges for me was to remember to always question every thing. If I didn't catch any mistakes or improve patient care, I at the very least gained some valuable clinical experience.


2) Be as positive as possible about your rotation. Forget everything you may have heard. The mindset can very well be what holds you back the most or gives you the best experience you've ever had. Some days are hard, when you're tired, burnt out, and really just want to be done, but some days I took a step back and reminded myself that I'm here to learn and at the very least owe it to these patients to provide the best care possible.


I made some great interventions, but most of all I learned how to think more like a clinician and less like a student.


3) Do what you're comfortable doing. If you really want to do well, learn a lot, and especially gain the trust of your preceptor: know when you're not comfortable with something and let him/her know.
This is important for multiple reasons. If you don't understand or aren't comfortable doing something- research it and talk to your preceptor. They are there to guide you and help you think independently. This in turn helps your preceptor not only trust you more, but to gauge your abilities and feel more comfortable as time moves on to work more independently. Many of my preceptors hung back near the end and let me do my thing. Of course they checked every thing I did, but they were comfortable knowing I wouldn't make any decisions or talk to the team without talking to them first.


Learning to be autonomous is important and they are more willing to observe from a distance if you show them that you aren't likely to make dangerous errors, but they can count on you to not over step your boundaries. I know people that just guessed, but sounded confident. During rounds, this is especially dangerous. What if the team takes your incorrect advice? That's detrimental not only to patient care, but also with the relationship with your team.


4) Pick something new to learn, something you aren't familiar with and challenge yourself to learn it.
I always picked my areas of interest and I came up with lectures on topic discussions. This was a great way to improve my knowledge and teaching abilities.


and finally...


5) Trust yourself and know it's OK to be wrong when being pimped by preceptors, but take it in stride and say you'll look into it more and get back to them.
I can't tell you how many times I was too afraid to say an answer because I wasn't 100% sure it was correct. I hate being wrong and I hate feeling dumb, but you're there to learn. My best preceptors always asked me "why" after I answer their questions. Sure, it's annoying sometimes, but because of this they not only made sure I knew what I was talking about, but it made me challenge myself, too.  

Heartbreak and Rotations

Most of us have experienced heartbreak. That aching and sadness that lingers for so long after a break up. It effects most of us in most if not all parts of our lives. We try to separate and compartmentalize. In a profession where at times peoples lives hang in the balance, it's important to be able to focus on that and not on your own emotions.


Losing someone I fell in love with has been so tough on me. She meant more to me than anyone else really ever has. I find myself wanting to cry as my mind wanders back to her while waiting for my shift to start at the hospital. I find myself wondering how she's doing, what she's up to, and what's going on in her life. I find myself hating myself for every single thing I did wrong. I am trying so hard not to let it effect my work, but sometimes it does overwhelm me. I try not to let it effect my relationship with my friends. I am actually quite adept at hiding my feelings around others. That fake happy smile I've grown accustomed to giving the crazies at the pharmacy, I find myself giving to my friends. Which is why I find it alarming that even doing that is becoming difficult.


I know I should lean on my friends for support. I know I should talk about how I'm feeling, but I can't. The only person I want to talk about this with is the one person I can't. I'm not used to that. The only person I trusted enough to share that guarded side of me is gone. I lied and told her that I was just an open person, but the truth of it all was, it was just because it was so easy with her. It surprised me how quickly and how fully I learned to trust her.


I was in the ICU the other day... with an elderly woman and my team. They needed to check her back and the way they moved her caused her pain. I quickly stepped in to support her head and neck and I found myself trying to comfort her because I could tell she was in so much pain. As I supported her head and stroked her hair she closed her eyes and breathed a little easier. I almost cried because she reminded me of my grandmother whom I also recently lost. I was angry with myself because I am usually able to separate myself from these situations. To focus on the emergencies at hand and objectively focus on my patients... but I was unexpectedly vulnerable that day. As I tried to comfort her my thoughts went back to my grandmother. It was exactly a year ago that she passed that day. My ex got me through that loss. She kept me smiling and going through that time where I wanted to give up. I was burnt out and angry, but she helped me pick myself up and keep going.


I know these feelings will pass. It's just so hard to know that my best friend doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and its my fault. I guess it's easier to tell strangers through text than trying to talk to my friends.


I'm sorry for the Debbie downer post...


I hate to end the blog this way so I hopefully will not. Match results are one week from today... so perhaps I'll have happier news to share then.

This year

Happy new year!

This is a big year for me, my classmates, and other class of 2014 members.

When you think of graduation you think of all that comes with it. Degrees, jobs, careers, the rest of your life. You may or may not be drowning in debt, but graduation has always been a fun milestone and this is my final one that involves didactic courses! I'm excited and terrified about what the future may hold, but I want this year to be my year.

I don't know what may or may not happen in the next year, but it's exciting nonetheless. 2013 was quite a year for me and it challenged me in many ways and I'm ready for the new challenges that lie ahead in 2014.

I don't want to call these resolutions, but I suppose you could classify it as such.

I want to be happy again. With myself, with my life. I let my happiness go because I was holding onto too many things already gone. I'm proud of myself for making it this far, but I did lose my way in 2013. This year I want to be happy again, with myself, my life, and purge the toxic people out of my life. I know I'm a good person, somewhere inside. Deep down there's still that girl that believes the best in everyone, that gives everyone a chance. The girl that comes out when talking to patients. The girl that isn't jaded by others and by life.

But cutting people out of your life, toxic or not, is emotionally taxing. As I realize more and more those that need to leave from my life, the sadder I become, yet I know it's for the best. I love and care deeply about my friends, relationships, and family. Deciding to walk away from someone is not an easy task for me. I have a tendency to hold on to people I love, regardless of how  much they hurt me because I care so deeply. I also know how much lighter my life is without someone who constantly makes me feel like a horrible person, or makes me feel unloved. I don't deserve that, no one does.

So this year, I will graduate. I will find my place in the world whether it be a residency or a community pharmacist.  I will find happiness in myself once again and hopefully never lose that girl that loves the people in her life and never takes them for granted.

Bring it on 2014. I'm ready.

Conflicted

As the year winds down and everything is getting more complicated for me. Do I do a residency? Do I stay in this relationship I've found myself in? Do I take that job?

I'm torn and at crossroads in both my personal and professional life.

I don't think I'll be happy taking that job, but conversely I don't know if I'll be happy doing a residency. I feel lost. I worked so hard these past three years to make myself a competitive candidate and now I'm not even sure that's what I want anymore. Is it fear of failure? As much as being challenged appeals to me, I don't know if I am cut out for it. I don't want to burn out, but I don't want to settle.

It doesn't help that I'm so conflicted about my relationship. She makes me happier, but at the same time she hurts me. A part of me feels like I'm just afraid to let go because saying goodbye to her breaks my heart. She puts a smile on my face whenever we get to talk. But... at the same time, when she pulls away from me it hurts. I know she's scared. I know this is just as hard for her as it is for me, but it's hard not to hurt when it happens. It's hard not to want to pull away, too so I can protect my own heart.

A part of me feels like she's ashamed of me. I feel like a secret she doesn't want anyone to know about. Maybe it's true and maybe it's not.

I deserve someone who will love me for who I am. I deserve someone that will let herself fall, even if it's terrifying.

But I want her.

APPE Tips

I'm going to preface this with: these are only my opinions based on my own experience and what my friends and I discuss. This is more a comical recollection of "don't let this happen to you..."

So... APPEs (Advanced pharmacy practice experience) is the year where we pay the school money to work for free. Depending on your school and your experiences, it feels like slave labor (aka doing things you do as an intern in the community for pay) OR it can be an amazing learning experience.

I've only had a few rotations so far and I've experienced both ends of the spectrum. I've been bored to death at a community pharmacy because they ran out of things to show me and I've been driven into the ground with work in an overwhelming, yet amazing learning experience.

Tips for surviving your APPE...

1) DON'T be an asshole. Seriously, even if you think you know everything, you probably don't. You're here to learn, they're here to teach you. Pharmacy is a small, small world. Don't burn your bridges.
1b) Don't talk back to your preceptor. If s/he says, "look something up", just go do it. If you have to look up a lot of stuff, chances are you need to brush up on your stuff. Don't throw back attitude and say "why don't YOU look it up?

I know those two seem like common sense... but from collective experiences... common sense is severely lacking for some.

2) If you're going to do a journal club or case presentation... be prepared to know it inside and out. Especially if you have a challenging preceptor. Be thorough and concise. No one wants to sit through a 2 hour case presentation full of arbitrary information.

3) SPELL CHECK. For the love of god. Spell check everything.

4) Be personable. Ask questions when you don't know about something. Like didactics, this experience is partly what YOU make of it. If you're going to sulk in a corner, it's going to be a long shitty block. Try and interact with everyone there. Chances are you're bound to at least connect with someone in the pharmacy.

5) DO NOT ask for extensions (unless an unforeseen emergency like a family illness or the like occurs). Deadlines are given in advance for a reason... learn to manage your time. It makes you look really unreliable and irresponsible if you're constantly asking for extensions. I'd probably pull an all nighter (difficult at my old age) before requesting an extension.

6) If you have a special interest, try and see if you can pursue that, but do not act like a 5 year old on a temper tantrum if the preceptor would prefer another project. You're going to need to be well rounded for boards anyways and you never know what you could fall in love with.

And now I'm sleepy... (APPE narcolepsy) perhaps there'll be a part II some day.

Done!

And just like that, the didactic portion of my pharmacy career is over. The only thing that stands between myself and my pharmD are my advanced rotations!

It's so surreal. The past three years have seemingly disappeared in the blink of an eye. A very long, painful, stressful, exhausting blink. It's bittersweet really, saying goodbye to the people that have become my family over the past 3 years. I've grown so much as a person over the past few years. I had my setbacks just like everyone else, but I'm at such a wonderful place in my life right now. I'm hangin' up the #2 pencil reserved for exams and kinetics problems and replacing it with my favorite pen.

In the words of Barney Stinson, it's time to suit up! I'm terrified really. I'll be asked opinions on real living, breathing patients. There will be many trials and tribulations I'm sure, but I'm almost mentally prepared for it all.

As for the special lady I mentioned in my last post... things are going well. She makes me smile every day and helped pull me through those last few weeks of hell. She fits into my life so seamlessly sometimes I wonder how I ever did without her. I can see myself falling for her and the thought scares me a little, but when she flashes me that smile of hers, I know I'm a goner. We've had our rough patches and I'm sure there will be more, but she's been such a positive addition to my life.

Whoops

So it looks like I gave you an update very early in the fall and suddenly it's a month away from the end of my didactic career! My apologies to anyone who has been waiting for an update.

Third year has been an intense whirlwind. I feel like I catch up only to fall quickly behind again. A lot of people tell me second year is the hardest year, but at my school third year definitely takes the cake on difficulty. I've been challenged again and again to balance my studies with my organizations and with my jobs.  I've learned a lot about myself and other this year and I wish I had the time to share all the tiny little moments that changed my views on life this year.

I'm battling a hard case of senioritis right now and struggling to catch up. It's been a difficult home stretch for me personally. I've had to struggle with a lot of personal events that turned my life upside down while struggling to stay afloat in school. But I won't bore you with the negativity.

I wanted to share my excitement (and fear, lots and lots of fear) about finally going on rotations. I've got some amazing blocks at some great hospitals and I'm excited for my final year and all that I will hopefully be able to learn from it. Even with all the negativity that I've felt hold me down thus far I still have to realize all the good that has come of it.

I also met a girl. It's really too soon to say how it may go or way things are headed, but she makes me smile and really brightens up my day. I think she's the best part of this dreary home stretch I've been on. When I get a text from her I start smiling like a fool and I feel like in that moment my mood instantly improves.The only downside is that she is very distracting. I really adore that she kind of helps keep me on track and actually cancels plans we have so I can study so that I don't have to. My friends have also begun to hide my cell phone to keep the texting to a minimum during our study sessions.  I'm excited and (terrified) of how things may or may not progress... but as always I have to keep my chin up and take things as they go.

I guess all in all I'm still happy. I have my bad days like everyone else, but I am keeping my head above water and taking things one day at a time.

Summers over? :(

Well this is a bit late. Summer has been over for a bit. I feel like I got back to school and barely had time to hit the ground running. Surprisingly after a summer of lazing about, working, and doing a lot of nothing (best break ever!) I fell back into the routine of chicken with no head quite quickly. I think it helps that I had meetings prior to school starting so it kind of got me back into that mindset. The first few weeks of fall are always the roughest. All organizations have meetings about recruiting and general meetings soon after to keep membership up so it's like a whirlwind of meetings and then before you know it, it's exam time.

I think I've lost my mind. I'm an officer for several organizations, taking a full credit load (I maxed out my elective credits), and I have my pharmacy job that I work 13 hours every other week, plus my work study job at school that's about 5 hours a week (not much). And that's not even to the point where I think I've gone off the deep end.

I think I've gone off the deep end because I am thinking about taking on a third job as a school tutor. Money has been a little tight and I am doing a lot as a P-3 from campus things to conferences and unfortunately those conferences cost money. I don't max out on my student loans because I consider it something way too frivolous when I know I don't need all of it. However, I think I may have gone slightly too conservatively. I've always had the mindset of, take what you need for the essentials- tuition, rent, and food. Whatever else you want to spend money on, you work to pay for it.

It's really all the same as my first two years of pharm school. I think I may have bit off more than I can chew this time. I really hope I can handle everything I seem to have gotten myself into this year.

So what do you think? Yay or nay to the tutoring gig?

Honey boo boo child

Sure, most of us have seen that crazy video about the child beauty queen that chugs mountain dew like a fiend. I’ll admit that I laughed at that video and how ridiculous this all was. But now I’m terrified. They are giving this kid and her family a TV show.

Seriously? I know we are a country of cheap laughs and mind rotting reality TV, but really all we’re doing by giving people like this a TV show is to reward and encourage this idiotic behavior. What kind of message are we sending to these people and everyone in the US? That being stupid, obnoxious, and annoying as hell is awesome?

Personally, I’m not a fan of reality TV. Everything that embodies reality TV infuriates me. I like having a good time just as much as everyone else, but all reality TV is about is encouraging narcissism and idiotic behavior among my peers.

I think what annoys me the most is that our country rewards idiocy and perpetuates the horrible reputation that everyone else in the world has about Americans. Why do we not value education like we do sports? The average American reads at a 3^rd grade level, and that’s being generous. Don’t get me wrong, I love sports. I played a number of sports growing up through high school. I played in a work league after I graduated from college. I love sports, but I don’t believe that people should value sports above education.

Sorry… I’ll get off my soap box now, but this whole thing just really irritated me. 

Actual Vacation!

I finally went on an actual vacation! One that involved no work (ok, I did have a conference call on the way to the airport and minor loose ends),  no school work, no one yelling at me, I had a week a wonderful week away from the monotony of living at home for the summer and working in retail.

I feel wonderful. I didn't get to do everything I wanted to, but I do have a new dive buddy back home and I am preparing for a few dives before summers end. I still can't believe it's nearly the end of July. I am not ready to be stuck in a classroom all day. Don't get me wrong, I love school, but I'm not ready to be chained to the library again.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

SSDD

My poor neglected blog. I don't know what it is, but while out of school I find myself rarely on my computer. Sure, my smart phone is like an extension of my arm, but I rarely turn on my laptop and peruse the internet like I would in school. I guess that's what happens when you aren't trying to procrastinate every second of every day.

That and I really have nothing new to share. I've spent most of the summer working and spending time with family and trying to get back into shape. At this point I feel like I need a vacation from summer break, or maybe I just need an actual vacation. Actually what I need is a day (or three) where I can just lock myself in my room alone and read. I love being social, but I think I am at my limit and need some hermit time to recoup.

You know what I hate about community pharmacy? How it never fails that at 1 minute to closing someone will come in and one or both of the following will happen:

A) they need 5+ Rx's to fill (from like 4 days ago) that absolutely has to be filled RIGHT THIS MOMENT OR I'M GONNA DIE. And all I want to do is drop the metal door down and run.
B) person above will either have never been here before and suddenly have no idea which is their rx insurance card OR they have and don't have their new insurance card OR some other insurance headache

My favorite is that I've had two patients in the last week try to tell me that if I call their insurance company the insurance company will lower their copay. BAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA. What. Welcome to the real world, what am I supposed to say?! You want a lower copay why don't you complain and see how long it takes before your insurance company laughs at you. One actually said to me, "you must be new at this. If you just call the insurance company and tell them to charge me less, they will."

I nearly fell over laughing after he finally left. If shit like that actually worked, I wouldn't feel like a douchebag for having to charge an obscene amount of money for a poor person that needs their cancer medication because their insurance company is charging them a couple grand for a copay because I could get them to lower it. I always feel like an asshole, even though there's really nothing I can do about it and I'm really just the price messenger.

SUMMAH TIME!

The long anticipated summer has arrived!!! It feels so amazing to not have to study all the time or sit in a hot classroom all day! This will probably get old really quickly, but for now I am enjoying the lazy days, getting some actual sunlight time, and working. Ok, so I'm not enjoying working... but it's something to do and it pays me. Plus it keeps my counseling skills sharp.

It's going to be a busy summer hopefully. This is my last summer for forever since I go on rotations next summer. I have several graduations ranging from middle school all the way to pharmacy school, weddings, and hopefully I can squeeze in some traveling! I've also started working out 4 times a week, which is a huge change from my lazy sit in the library all week routine. It's kicking my ass, but it feels so good to really be challenged physically again. Plus I am getting fatter and fatter... that needs to stop!

I'm not sure how much I will update this blog over the summer. I'm  not even sure what I would update it with. Probably phunny pharmacy stories.

Like I have a pharm tech that typed a script I took from a physician and changed the refill qty to whatever she wanted instead of the number I clearly wrote. Apparently because she didn't agree with the number. Ummmmm yes, sometimes the numbers don't make sense because some physicians are special BUT you type what is written (as long as it doesn't break any laws) because it's their decision and this one actually had a valid reason. Which she would have known if she just freaking asked. She's been getting on my nerves mostly because I am pretty sure she has no idea what the f- she is doing which makes a busy pharmacy 10x more stressful. For someone that's been with the company for years, there's really no excuse for how incompetent she is.

Whoops. Sorry, left over work frustration. I have just wanted to scream lately at work because when I have to work with her, she is so slow that I end up answering all the phone calls while typing or filling prescriptions because she needs to stare at an empty bottle for 20 minutes in order to fill it?! If I don't the numbers just keep piling up and people start yelling at me.

If I could, I'd fire her ass.

It makes me grateful for the other (amazing) techs that I work with. But I seriously legit do not like this one at all.

It's also frustrating that the pharmacists I work with take advantage of my intern license which means I not only get to pick up the slack of stupid lazy tech, I pick up their work, too. I legit would rather go back to school, but being paid is kind of nice. They need to give me a fucking raise though. Jesus.

School's Out!

Another year come and gone!

Going through it all made it feel like an eternity. My last week of P2 year was probably one of the longest weeks of my life. Actually, aren’t finals weeks always the longest weeks of your life? It’s a weird time warp where you panic about not having enough time to learn all the material you need to study, but at the same time it feels like the week is never going to end and neither will the exams.

I have officially taken all my exams, passed all my courses and I am officially 50% of the way to my PharmD! It’s been a bit of a tough year for me emotionally which made this school year a bit tough. I somehow pulled through without too many hits on my grades. Trying to pull focus when you need it and your brain doesn’t want to provide it was probably the most challenging part of it all. I found myself sitting in the library for hours staring at the same page.

My melodramatic side was unsure if I could even finish out this year. By the time the last month or two of school rolled around I was out of motivation, focus, and fucks to give. Classic burn out? I guess it’s a good thing pharm school costs an arm, a leg, and probably your first born. It’s pretty much the only reason I didn’t fully give up. I did pretty mediocrely though.

Oh well, it’s my last summer before rotations! I am going to enjoy it and hope I don’t want to die this time next year.

just a quick update

As I am writing this a part of me is nagging me reminding me I have two exams to study for this week. One of which is tomorrow. I seem to have dropped into this lull and I don’t like it. I feel tired all the time, unwilling to do much aside from lie in bed and waste the day away. It took me 6 hours yesterday to drag myself from bed to get out of my apartment and just do…. Something, anything.
I’m not sure what set me off really. My ex and I are restarting our friendship. It’s actually been quite nice. I’m just worried because at this point I feel rather vulnerable and wonder if I may fall in love with her again for all the wrong reasons because it feels safe. I’m not sure what has brought me to this point, but I am trying my best to shake it off. I hate feeling this way. I hope it passes, soon.

Sorry about the not so uplifting post.

Starting over?

"Can we start over?"

A few weeks ago I woke up one morning to an email from my ex entitled just that. I thought I was still asleep, surely she wasn't really going to try this again? It had been months since I last heard from her and our last words were not kind words.

I haven't opened it yet. It is sitting in my inbox and I am wondering if this is a path I want to venture down. I fought so hard to remove her from my life because it hurt too much to keep her in it. All the pleading, phone calls, and texts she had sent me came flooding back. How could I keep her in my life when I wanted to hate her?

All the anger has subsided, I've moved on with my life. A small part of me does still wonder if one day we will find our way back to each other. This email threw me though. I want to talk to my friends about it, but I am scared that they'll just look at my disapprovingly that I will even consider reading what she has to say. I guess I really should be studying for my barrage of exams instead of worrying about this.

It's nice though, that the email didn't draw more emotion from me other than a bit of confusion and apathy. I think I'm more worried about whether or not I'm ready to read what may be in this letter.

Maybe next week!

School, Smash, and Prop 8

Holy what it's February?!

Pharmacy school is notorious for two things:

1) Making each block fly by
2) Making many courses drag by

It's not contradicting! In a few of my classes I swear every minute feels like a year, but then I look back on the whole block and I can't believe it's time for finals again. Commence sleepless nights, anxiety, and self diagnosing yourself with every disorder you are studying. I'm not kidding, we were covering mental health and it stated "Patient A is depressed because states that she finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning and when she goes home all she does is crawl in bed and watch TV."

Um, excuse me, that's what I do EVERY DAY. Actually, we pretty much all looked at each other and thought the same thing, "Wait, that's not normal?!".


Enough about school. Let's talk about my new love: Smash. Not Hulk Smash! Not the sound of students banging their heads against the walls in frustration. I am talking about the new TV show. I never would have heard of it had I not seen the ads for it during the Super Bowl. You know you've been in pharmacy school too long when you spell bowl, bowel repeatedly. Aside from my obsession with musical theatre, they hooked me with Megan Hilty. I love her voice. I could listen to her all day, and then I watched the show.

WHERE HAS KATHARINE MCPHEE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! I'm pretty sure I swooned when they did a duet.

Let's be real here. Any show centered around Broadway that has amazing voices I will love. I'm not saying I will love the story line, but I have a wonderful skill where I just enjoy the songs and the beautiful voices.

And last, but not least:

Prop 8 was ruled UNCONSTITUTIONAL by the ninth circuit court!!!! Just another step in the long uphill battle.

From the LA Times:
The court concluded that Prop. 8 served no purpose other than to "lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians."

Now if only more people could see and understand that. It's not a matter of religion. If it was purely religious, I'd say keep it. We can come up with a better name for gay marriage, well not me because I have the creativity of a potato. But we could, and it'd be fabulous. It's the fact that "marriage" in the United States allows for certain RIGHTS and BENEFITS to married couples, including but not limited to: tax breaks, medical and legal rights, things that the government grants couples with a legal binding contract that is not offered to single people (or gays). No, civil unions do not grant the same legal benefits and nor is it recognized on a federal level. It's like saying you get a tax break for being white, but not if you're black. Or, white people get this tax break on the state and this from the federal government, but you can only have it on the state level because you're not white.

Is that fair? Is that equal?

Let's face it, it's not. And really this is just my "logical" argument for gay marriage rights and rights in general. Separate is not equal. My heart tells me that it's not right because you are denying couples that love and adore each other (certainly more than Kim Kardashawhatever did that dude and Rush and his 3 divorces) the right to marry. Sanctity of marriage my ass. If people can get married to someone they just met in Vegas, then let Adam marry Steve and Eve marry Kate. The world will not implode or explode, life will go on.

P.S. Just because I like women does not mean I want to marry a toaster, a horse, or a building. That argument doesn't even make sense. Consenting adult does not equal inanimate objects, animals, or children.

She's gay, you all know each other right?!

Let's get one thing straight folks (aside from the fact that I am not). Being gay does not automatically mean you know every single gay person in the area, or in my case, school. Sadly, I know maybe 2 (out) gay people at school. I know there are more, yes I know they must exist, but no I have not met and befriended them all. I'm not saying that I don't want to. It'd be really nice to not feel like the only lesbian on campus (even though I know that is definitely not true). I would like to meet and talk to them, but how awkward would be that interaction be?

"Oh hi, um so my friends tell me that you're gay, too." And that would probably be the end of our awkward exchange.

We're in grad school guys! 95% of us are very awkward people! (true for my campus at least) Granted, some much more than others, but I am not about to become a gay seeking missile (similar to a heat seeking missile?) and find every single gay person that people tell me about. I've thought about it... because though I love my friends, sometimes being the token gay is not so much fun.

I just find it strange and sometimes hilarious that people will say things like "OH! So I met this gay girl, you know her right?" or "You must know her, she's a lesbian."

That's like walking up to an Asian and saying "Hey this person is Asian too, y'all know each other right?" or "Hey, you're a Jew, you know so-and-so right?! Cos he's a Jew, too!"

Sorry to slip in the Jew comment, because people actually have come up to me and asked if I knew this person because he was an Asian, too. Some people are kind of special.

So public service announcement: Just cos someone is gay doesn't automatically mean they know all the gays in the world.

You're welcome. Now go be awkward about something else.

New Obsession

Ah, so my new obsession is currently cooking. The problem is finding time to cook, when I barely have enough time to exercise. Ah, a tip I left out in my last post. Exercising is key to maintaining your sanity in pharmacy school. I was so busy this entire week that I didn't get any of my running, biking, and training in that I was extremely antsy in class. I feel bad for my classmates because I cannot stop moving when this happens. Between it being freaking freezing, exams, work, and meetings the only time I have left to myself is late at night. Granted I should have just taken my notes and at least gone biking, but busy is my excuse for being fat. Haha!

But I digress.

I have always loved cooking and one of my goals this year was to 1) eat at least twice a day (also an issue with being busy) 2) eat healthier (another side effect of being busy #whatfatpeoplesay) 3) it really sucks to just cook for one person.

I was actually doing pretty well! I would blog my latest cooking adventure... but I fear it may cause me to lose my anonymity just in case someone I know stumbles upon this blog. It was so delicious though.

I can't wait for my next project now that I have a group of guinea pigs. Another benefit of pharm school- lots of hungry friends that are willing it what you create (once they test it out and make sure it won't make them sick) hahaha.

How to Succeed in Pharmacy School

I've had several people ask me what my secret is to "not failing" and doing "well" on exams. There is no secret, really. It takes a lot of work. People that write it off as "oh it's because you're lucky and you're smart."

That is far from the truth. I work and study really hard, but I also balance it with fun and relaxation. They don't see the countless hours I spend in the horrible library studying for my exams and trying desperately to learn as much as I can before the exam. I find it really obnoxious when people who don't go to class, don't take notes in class, and try to cram everything in in one night think that I don't have to work at all for my grades. Yes, some people don't have to work at all and they gets straight As (those bastards) and some people work even harder than I do and barely pass.

So here's how I get through pharm school:

1) I go to class and here's the secret: I PAY ATTENTION in class. Well, at least try. Haha.
2) I take extensive notes. I will re-write things in a totally dumbed down way just to make sure if I come back to study and suddenly become dumber than a sack of bricks (totally happens all the time) I have a "stupid persons guide" to understanding the notes. It also helps make sure I'm paying attention in class.
3) I re-write my notes. Extremely time consuming... but if I need to get a concept, sometimes it's the only way for me.
4) Make sure you actually understand the concepts instead of just saying "oh yeah I know that" and then coming to it on the exam and going "OH F@#$!"
5) I wake up about 3 hours before an exam to wake myself up and get out of that groggy state and refresh my mind with the material on the exam.
6) Make sure you use any free time to relax and have fun. This is probably the most important part because it will keep you from burning out. I would go INSANE without my "fun time". And don't say there isn't any time. You need to make time.

And that's pretty much what I do. It's pretty simple, but it won't work for everyone. This is just how I do it. Haha so with that disclaimer- I don't want any comments about how I caused you to fail your exams.

Happy New Year!

My, my. It seems my obsession with punctuality in real life takes away from punctuality on this blog. Oh well.

I hope 2012 is going well for all of you! It has been a wonderful, peaceful, quiet new year for me and I am loving it. My Christmas break was much too short though and I am still recovering from my respiratory infection that pretty much ruined my entire break, but I am feeling a lot better! Class on the other hand has been dragging by. I swear time stood so still, we may have actually gone back in time.

I am so grateful for my friends though, especially my friends in pharmacy school. I have met so many amazing and wonderful people that I have no idea what I would do without them in my life. Some days when I wonder if I made the right choice for pharmacy school, I think about the amazing professors and friends I have made here and how different my life would be without them. It really makes me realize I made the right decision for me in coming here.

So 2011, with all your heartbreaks and ups and downs, thank you for always reminding me what's important in life. I'm glad to see you go and I am excited for 2012.

So who thinks the world is gonna end? Not gonna lie, I think it's all a bunch of crock, BUT if it does end HOORAY FOR NOT HAVING TO PAY BACK MY LOANS!!! Not to mention get a real job. Haha. I can die doing what I love the most... being a student. God, I am such a freaking nerd.