eek

I need to breathe before I freak out. Just the mention of my soon trip to Arizona makes me hyperventilate. I am really nervous about going. I used to love traveling. Well, I still love traveling, but for fun! Traveling for 'business', not so much fun. It's nerve wrecking. I won't even check in my bag even if it's free because if they lose it, I lose my suit. I lose my suit, well then I'm just screwed.

People are thinking that I'm just lazy and not coming to work-work as often, but what they don't know is I'm not at home relaxing the day away. Quite the opposite. I feel like wound up and edgy. Time! Please please slow down. How the hell did this year disappear so quickly?!

I gave up biting my nails years ago, and man it's one of those nail biting times. I'm not going to revert back and start biting them again though. I work with sick people, nasty habit to have when you have no idea what you're touching.

Sorry for the scattered thoughts. Time to go and review.

Excuses.

Here are my list of reasons (excuses) on why I've been a bad blog friend and gotten so far behind on every blog this past week or so. (Days have begun to blend together)

1) Work has been giving me ridiculous hours, i.e. work til 11pm two nights then work at 7am the next day, then work again until 11pm. Not being away from the pharmacy fo more than 8 hours is no fun.

2) been working on my physical therapy, acupuncture, seeing my spine specialist (my spine is ok though! thank freakin' goodness), and working on being less lethargic.

3) tutoring the kids. Checking homework, help study. It's like I have actual kids.

4) Friends are back and demand my attention. Attention I happily give them because I have missed them something fierce.

5) I crash as soon as I get home, or too tired to do more than watch Grey's Anatomy or HIMYM online and usually never make it through the whole episode before passing out.

6) I just finished Guitar Hero World Tour. I almost finished it within weeks of getting it, but I stopped playing due to work, accident, applications, etc but my friend was the catalyst in getting me to play again. This re-sparked my love of the game and I finished my last set on medium on drums! My arms were going to fall off, but I did it! Weee.

7) My sister was on bed rest. I spent most of the free time with her, bring her and my brother food, keep her company, etc.

8) The extra time that I did have online was devoted to fixing itunes. For some reason when I tried updating itunes, it wouldn't update. It then prompted me to uninstall then reinstall. Too bad IT WOULDN'T FREAKING RE-INSTALL. Hours of time was spent un/re-installing itunes in a number of ways, disk checking, scanning my computer for viruses (just in case), defragmenting, and then today... IT FINALLY REINSTALLED. It was driving me insane.

Now it's past 1am and I must be off to bed. I hope to start trying to catch up with all you lovely people by Saturday evening.

Insane or just plain stupid?

I am going to go with a little of both.

Today I have been up the entire night because of some serious back pain. I don't think I have a low pain threshold. I've rammed my knee snowboarding into a metal rail enough to cut and bruise it up, yet managed to be fine snowboarding on it for another 3 hours. It's just so hard to sleep when it feels like something is repeatedly punching you in the spine.

Yet, for half the night, even with the pain, all I could think of was how much I wanted to go snowboarding. You may be having the same thoughts as most do 'Are you stupid? You barely walk without pain, and you want to WHAT?' or as my boss so eloquently put it 'Oh please, promise me you will not snowboard. You're going to hurt yourself more.' and she also meant to add 'who else will work???'

I think the worst part is I'm reviewing my list of 'tricks' in my head while I lie in bed daydreaming of snowboarding to get my mind off the pain. I'm reviewing my 'technique' that I learned through trial and error on landing box rails and jumps. Trying to think of ways to improve my technique and try a 180, or if I can really manage it a 360. But the last time I tried a 90 degree spin to land on rail I literally fell backwards and hit my head, but that's what helmets are for... right? Really those turns are currently in the 'in your dreams' stage.

Last year I managed to become proficient in riding on my board down a mountain without falling face first. This was a huge feat considering for three days I was was only able to stand up just to fall on my face again every 5 inches. Somehow that progessed to 4 footer jumps, that progressed to box rails, and that somehow progressed to 10 footer jumps. I am pretty good at landing those now, though the approach to 10 footer always scares the bejebus out of me and I am terrified until I land.

I guess a part of me just doesn't want to accept defeat. I don't want this to keep me from doing what I want, or want I love. We shall see. I can gaurantee you that my dumb ass will be standing at the top of a hill soon. Whether or not I may end up hurting myself further I guess is the question. Maybe I'll keep of the tricks and ride for the sake of riding and just enjoy that feeling of flying down a mountain.

Rar. But I can do that even better on skis. The tricks are what really made me fall in love with boarding. This is going to be a sad season if I don't get better soon. Boo.

I've gotten complaints from my cousin that I don't ski anymore. That I'm a 'traitor' (haha), but skiing doesn't offer the challenge it once did, that snowboarding now does. And of course my friends that snowboard are thrilled I've finally 'seen the light'. What does it matter. I can do both in the same day if I wanted.

Moonlighting

You know at work there is almost always someone that everyone dislikes. I've always been afraid of being 'that person'. I have my quirks, actually I have a lot of them. I've learned that there's no real way of hiding my quirks because sooner or later they come out in full force and I look like an ass for pretendng to be any other way. Besides, it's better to be yourself right? Well, lucky for me I'm not 'that person' at work. At least if I am, the gossip mill at work has been very good at hiding it. That and there's someone else that pretty much takes the heat off of just about anyone at work.

Well, I've been 'moonlighting' on my free hours elsewhere and my boss is not happy about having to share me, but it's what's good for my health right now. Honestly, I enjoy the break and not feeling like someone is kicking me in the ribs while at work. I could have transferred out, but I didn't have the heart to. I've had to cut my hours back though due to the pain. Which sucks for both the store and for my bank account. So this moonlighting position is actually a good solution to my problem.

The place I've been moonlighting at, I was slightly worried about how they would handle me. Yes, I can be a handful and my humor can be taken the wrong way, but it fit like a glove! They were just in a bad position with losing staff unexpectedly, so I stepped in one or two days a week to help them get by. They are actually hilarious and have the same sense of humor I do so it's fun to be there. After they had found a more permanent replacement (though half of that replacement was not liked at all by the full staff) I thought my time was over. Lo and behold, the next week I get a phone call from them.

"She quit."

I don't know why, but I just started laughing my ass off. I knew they didn't want her there, but the fact that she hated this group of awesome people enough to quit one of the easiest jobs had me rolling. I laughed so hard, the manager started laughing too. I'm not sure if it was out of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, or that she was freaking out over staffing again, but we had a good laugh. Now I have a semi permanent moonlighting position with them, and I'm kind of glad. I enjoy working with them and missed them. Not to mention it's one of the few times I've been able to work without excruciatin pain.

The only thing that's different is that I'm not 'out' there. My main location pretty much knows I'm a giant homo, even the newbies, but I haven't quite gotten the nerve to do it there. I guess it doesn't really matter. It doesn't affect my work, it doesn't hurt anyone there. It is part of who I am though. I guess only time will tell.

Gays Anatomy

I believe I started calling Grey's anatomy, Gays Anatomy after reading a blog post byLauren. Amazing writer, wise beyond her years! Check her out if you haven't already.

I've been plagued by insomnia again. I spent the last 3 weeks in sleep comas. I couldn't stay awake for more than 5 hours without abruptly falling asleep in the most inappopriate places (i.e. metro trains, checking emails, break rooms at work, cars, buses, it got pretty bad that I avoided going anywhere far). The upside side of this is I actually slept at normal hours before 1 AM. Downside is I still felt lethargic and useless during the day and still fell asleep everywhere.

Unfortunately I lost that awesome I can sleep before 1am bit. Which leaves me with a lot of night time thinking, reading (I've read 2 books in 2 days, starting on my third), and watching tv online.

I think it started last night because I was so anxious and nervous about the MRI I was scheduled to have today. I couldn't sleep until about 5am. That resulted in book #2, 2 episodes of House, and 3 episodes of Greys anatomy. (Yes, I am aware I am a nerd with a love of medical shows, as well as forensics (CSI, Bones), and well Glee. Because Glee is amazing.

I cannot stay on a point to save my life. Master of Digression, thy name is Carolyn. Anywho, so I've been sad that Grey's Anatomy has not been giving much screen time to the best couple on there: Arizona Robbins and Callie Torres. Yes, I may be biased, but they are both amazing, funny characters and cuuute couple. I also secretly love little Grey.

I basically stopped watching Grey's a month ago because I was really only interested in their story line and was more involved in Bones and Glee. Oh I should not have done that because those three episodes were a bit more on the Arizona/Callie storyline. They made me giggle, laugh, and happy. (Oh god, I'm living vicariously through fictional characters... must move self back to reality) But the second episode I watched where Callie's dad brought a priest to the ER and Callie's great response 'YOU CAN'T PRAY AWAY THE GAY, DAD. YOU CAN'T PRAY AWAY THE GAY!!!'

Quite possibly my new favorite quote. I am rooting for them, as lame as it sounds. But secretly, I want my own Arizona Robbins. Who wouldn't want a hot peds doctor that has a good head on her shoulders and rolly shoes? She can put me in my place any day.

.... I think I've been escaping reality too much lately. Every few months I go through at least 2 days of what I call 'The anti-social phase' where I do nothing but read and ignore text messages and phone calls. It's good for the soul, but not so good to lose too much touch with reality.

bruises are cool?

Is there something about a bruised woman that gets guys super excited? I mean, not bruised in a someone just beat the crap out of you way, but the 'sports' injury kind.

Something you may or may not know about me: I'm crazy in the, I'll try anything once and I'm going to give it all I've got, type of person. So keep this in mind.

Anyways, so I got this huge bruise from a paintball. Most likely because the gun was firing at an 'unsafe' speed of waaay over 275 feet per second and the ball tried to pummel its way through my arm. I mean I was shot point blank in the crotch (yay for no penis) and I was fine, also was shot in the hand and bare forearm and those barely left marks. This bruise is monstrous. I would say about the size of a jawbreaker or a super bouncy ball (about 3 inches (or 7.62cm) in diameter). It started of innocently enough, but quickly became the purple glob of pain.

Apparently these things excite boys. Most people were impressed when they saw it, some were understandably grossed out, but guys were so... intrigued by it. It's like the bruise gave me 100 cool points in the boys club or something. I guess they are impressed that I'm 'tough' enough to sport a massive bruise, or that I'm willing to run around the front lines of a paintball field. I don't know what kind of girls they hang out with, but my friends and I hold our own. We will bungee jump, skydive, board, whatever. Just tell us when and where (busy schedules willing).

But I will just post some great responses I've gotten to the bruise:

1) "HOLY SHIT WTF DID YOU GO PAINTBALLIN NAKED?" (one of my paintball buddies)
2) "OMG OMG OMG EW EW EW." (hehee, gotta love my girly girls)
3) *Blank stare straight at the bruise while grimacing* (she's funny, speechless too I guess)
4) *jaw drop* OH MY GOD WHO DID THAT TO YOU?
5) WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
6) 'I shouldn't be laughing, but damn woman that is impressive.' (She is awesome)
7) So... something to add to the 'Things Carolyn shouldn't do, but she stupidly does them anyways' list?

I also saw Rent again for the second time this past weekend with OBC members Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascall (again). FRONT ROW!!! They were amazing. Also Nicolette Hart was an amazing Maureen. She mooned us for far too long (not that I'm complaining) and was overall wonderful. In the brief moments after the show as she stood on a chair waving posters and playbills, she paused just long enough to make a silly face at me so I could snap a picture. Oh, she had me with that, who needs hello. I could only smile like a goof as I trotted away.

Oh amazingly talented unattainable women.

Ohhh she also lost her cat ears on the fire escape during the New Years scene. The look on her face was hilarious! Kind of a mix of 'Wtf' with a 'huh... I lost my ears' look. Also, when she sat in her chair (right in front of me) pouting after 'Take Me or Leave Me' a bit of hair was sticking straight up (evil cat ears again perhaps?). It was kind cute.

I wish it was still here so I could see it again. My kid cried as soon as Adam started to sing One Song Glory, out of pure joy. I am pretty sure she was crying for most of the show. No matter how many times I see it... I really do love it every time.

Flying on Jet planes

So I recently took a trip. More business than pleasure, but I don't really want to blog about it until I know the results of the trip.

I feel like I've become mildly narcoleptic, yet still quite the insomniac at night. I fell asleep every where on my trip. I even fell asleep on the metro train on my way back from the National Air and Space Museum (Yes, I chose to go there on my few free hours hahaha). Luckily I woke up at my stop. I fell asleep checking my email, I fell asleep watching TV, I pretty much just kept falling asleep. It's odd, but it's probably just exhaustion and lack of sleep at night. On a side note, I found out later that a stabbing occured across the street from the metro station and the guy ran into the station about five hours after I left. How scary!

Seriously though, the museum was so much fun! I got to do a simulator flight on a fighter jet. I kept accidentally doing barrel rolls and we were screaming because we were stuck upside down for a while. We later found out (from other people screaming) that those things were NOT sound proof hahahha. It was fun though.

The flight home was good and bad. Bad.... it felt like FOREVER. Even though I passed out as soon as the plane started to taxi and woke up 30 minutes later. Unfortuntely the flight is 5 and a half hours long. Plus I had a connection to make. The good: I had a really cute stewardess on the flight. I don't really watch those safety demos on planes anymore because I fly so often, but ya know, I just couldnt help but watch the second time around hahahaha. My connection ended up being with the same plane and crew and I was amused they remembered me. One asked me a question about chips from the last flight and all I said was 'I dunno... I was asleep.' and the cute fight attendant giggled. Aww I love cute giggles.

I am a dork. A tired and sleepy dork.